Annie Barrett
July 07, 2010 AT 06:25 PM EDT

Any other day I’d be like “so what,” but today is Heat Wave Watch Day, and Michelle Kwan’s 30th birthday provides yet another cheap and easy way to cool off via the power of thought because in my simpleton’s mind, Michelle Kwan only exists on ice. I was shocked to read that she was 30 as I am apparently not willing to believe that darling figure skating heroes go through the regular steps of life. Steps are for plebes! Darling figure skaters just glide around and around in circles and end up where they started and nothing ever changes until they are kindly asked to participate in Dancing With the Stars. Kate Ward provides some useful perspective: “I actually thought she was older, honestly…since she’s been in, like, 60 Olympics.”

So it’s settled. A much more reasonable PopWatcher than me thinks that Michelle Kwan should be at least 240 years old. Vote below, while cursing us under your breath because you know this was only a cheap ploy to wedge the beloved PopWatch on Ice logo onto the main page for a few hours, using a toe pick.

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