'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' recap: Get me outta here! | EW.com

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'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' recap: Get me outta here!


DanielleImage Credit: Andrei Jackamets/BravoAfter we learned that Teresa Giudice and her husband Joe had filed for bankruptcy, thinking about her lavish housewarming party a few episodes ago makes me sad. What makes me even sadder? Last night it was apparent that Teresa did know the extent of her family’s debt, solely from her reaction to a single word: Foreclosure.

Of course this word was uttered by Danielle Staub, which adds to the already tense subject (Did you notice Joe’s complete avoidance of the question? Is this Lynne and Frank all over again?). Teresa got extremely defensive when her finances were put into question (We’ve watched her build and move into her dream home, of course she doesn’t want to be revealed as a fraud.). Given what we know now, this was a low blow from Danielle that obviously pushed Teresa’s hot button, but I will say this, and you can hold me to it: Danielle was the victim of the fight.

Don’t pull my hair extensions out just yet. Yes, Danielle is her own special brand of Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, but she was unfairly attacked at the fashion show. She took a page from the Book of Paris Hilton and was ignoring the ladies across the room, while Teresa made a point to say hello. Even though she usually provides comic relief and insists she’s a “nice person,” Teresa is not an innocent, harmless housewife by any means (see: table flipping). Also, she’s from Paterson, DID YOU FORGET? (What was with her spastic chicken strutting and finger waving?) Well apparently Danielle did, and Teresa wanted to remind her how tough she was long before $5 million mansions, new bubbies, and kids with potential modeling careers. You’re not just going to say hello to someone you’ve publicly called a “prostitution whore.”

Her “honey” may not have been “I’m going to f—— kill you,” like Danielle believed it to be, but it was definitely a condescending, “Honey, I’m better than you and I will take any opportunity I can to remind you of that. Look at my chinchilla!” Danielle responded with the only dirt she knew about Teresa, and expertly used it just as she was bragging about her expensive home. And with that, Teresa chased her out of the building, Kim G. ran around screaming, Danielle broke a heel, Ashley pulled Danielle’s weave, and we lost at least one soldier to the stampede. Whether preplanned or au natural, the chaos that ensued (crazy enough to illicit a “this is f—— b— s—!” from an unidentified attendee), Danielle came off looking slightly better than her opponents. Or did she?

Danielle is so dramatic all the time – she wasted more energy by screaming “Get me outta here!” over and over than she would have if she simply walked home from the North Jersey Country Club – that maybe this was all a calculated attempt to make her look like the sane one in a room full of crazy (a difficult feat). Like us Housewives fans, the police officers seemed well aware of the Danielle Staub story, and basically rolled their eyes at description of her alleged assault (for now; next week appears to be different). In Danielle’s world, Ashley’s hair pull left her with so much physical harm (doubtful, a bruised ego is more like it) and those who cause you to break your heels belong in jail.

Some of the best insight from the night:

“Technically I didn’t grab her hair, I grabbed her extension, so that’s not really a part of her” – Ashley, to the police officer when asked about her role in the fight. For future reference Ashley, if Lindsay Lohan can get time in jail, so can you.

“[If I was there] I would’ve been back in jail!” – Danny, who is nothing if not honest

“Who’s Kim G.?” – Joe, who finally asked what we’ve all been thinking

“She ripped the hair literally out of my head, literally. And all I can say is that takes a lot to take this kind of hair out, I mean these are beaded in to my real hair, that’s my real hair that you ripped out of my head with this [shakes hair extension]. And it hurts like hell…and there’s a small bald spot on the back of my head” – Danielle, who was nice enough to bring her fallen weave to show and tell

Sure yelling, screaming, and hair pulling are the ingredients for a delicious slice of Real Housewives pie, but watching this one gave me reason #13907 to get a job, hobby, or a life. These women are obsessed with Danielle and their only pleasures come from hearing about her pitfalls. Cue Alex McCord: You are [Mean Girls] and you are in high school. Teresa, keep insisting you’re classy [shudder] and Danielle is garbage, but you’re the one with potty mouth who smiles when Jacqueline’s 18-year-old daughter recounts her great hair pull and doesn’t reprimand her! (And to Kim D. who told Ashley, “It’s okay [that you pulled Danielle’s hair] you have to protect your mother,” do you have kids? That’s questionable parenting… violence is never the answer.).

What’s even worse is that all of these women have daughters. What kind of female role models are they? How can Ashley be expected to control herself when her Jacqueline and Co. anxiously await their next run in with Danielle, so they can agonize over it and laugh about it for weeks? Ashley is completely disrespectful and ridiculous (Housewives poll: Who is worse – Jacqueline’s daughter Ashley, or Lynne’s daughters Raquel and Alexa of Orange County?), but if this is what’s deemed acceptable (or what’s she’s believing is acceptable, even though her mother won’t admit it), how can you not expect her to make I Hate Danielle Facebook groups, or go for one big weave pull when everyone else is screaming and running around? If anything (I’m not condoning this…) her hair pull at least put an end to things, Teresa just wanted to keep going.

At least we have members of the Laurita family, specifically Caroline (Manzo) and her brother Chris, who provided some actual insight and make some kind of sense out of this ridiculata. Jacqueline and Teresa were eager to rehash the previous night’s events, but Mama Manzo put it all in perspective. “She got exactly what she wanted…you gave it to her!” she said. Thank you, Caroline. Again, ladies who claim to be so far above the dregs of Danielle are constantly talking about her. Get a life! Chris did the same for Ashley, this time equating The Hair Pull Heard Round the World to some of Danielle’s mysterious past. “All you’re doing, your life is becoming her!” Seriously, it’s true. Ashley has such a warped sense of what’s right and wrong, paired with a nasty case of entitlement, that I wouldn’t be surprised if she and Danielle end up shopping and get their nails done at Chateau together, while they come up with ways to take over Wayne and Franklin Lakes one strip joint at a time.

Things that are more love and light: Albie met with his lawyer and is trying to apply to a new law school!

Did this episode live up to all the hype? Who do you think is responsible for the fight? Will we ever get rid of Danielle?