Annie Barrett
August 23, 2010 AT 04:45 PM EDT

Image Credit: PRN/PR Photos; Zade RosenthalI’m sorry to be so inconsiderate as you’re about to eat, but there’s supposed to be a Spencer Pratt/Heidi Montag sex tape. A “flurry” of tapes, according to Spencer. Ewwww, don’t say flurry. There might also be footage of Heidi and a Playboy Playmate getting intimate. No way do I care about either of these tightly packed bowls of (probably) whipped-potato lies, but I might have watched the latter had the Playmate been Kendra, because then it could just be a slow-looping track of her laugh, like on The Soup. Maybe I’d even score some tips on how to keep my nasolabial folds in check while getting tickled by a stupid feather. ANYWAY, I’d been blissfully unaware of any of this until this morning, at which point someone in a meeting mentioned “the Speidi sex tape” and I misinterpreted it as “the Spidey sex tape.” There it is. (FYI: Seth/Summer Spider-man kiss!)

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Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

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