Darren Franich
September 07, 2010 AT 10:20 PM EDT

Image Credit: Bob D’Amico/ABCPopWatchers, I’m no fashion guru. I wear hand-me-down suits with cheap knock-off ties. I pop my collar at inappropriate times, like funerals and always. So I don’t feel quite qualified to comment on Bristol Palin’s just-revealed Dancing With the Stars costume. Fortunately, PopWatch has received an exclusive, possibly-true (because anything is possible!) excerpt of the conversation between Bristol Palin and the DWTS costume designer. Read on for surprises!

Bristol Palin: As you know, Costume Designer, I’d like to keep things modest with this costume. I want to avoid another Hasselbeckgate. Also, I’m a mother.

Costume Designer: BPay, I hear the words you’re saying, and they’re punching right in the heart. How about a nice, demure, reddish-purple-pink number with a sequin chastity belt wrapped around your torso? And maybe a modest rainbow-hologram glove?

BP: I’ve got an idea! How about instead of making it any of those colors, we just make it black?

CD: Black. Black. Black. I can work with that. People like black. People like curtains. Curtains have ruffles. How would you feel about ruffles?

BP: Won’t that make dancing harder?

CD: [Offended] Well, I didn’t realize you were so worried about dancing. Tell you what: I’ll put the ruffles off to one side. That way, you can avoid them when you’re [gags] dancing. Just don’t step left. Actually, I’ll give you so many ruffles, it’ll be like a third leg! Or at least a side-tail.

BP: As long as I don’t look silly!

CD: No way! I’m visualizing something a little Roger Moore-era James Bond femme fatale and a little evil Disney evil octopus-witch, plus just a dollop of frontier madame, à la Deadwood.

BP: I don’t know what any of those things are.

What do you think of the costume, PopWatchers? Love it? Loathe it? Want to carve it open with a lightsaber and sleep inside of it? Sound off below!

You May Like