1. Taylor Lautner declines push-up challenge by RV dealer he sued
Wise not to fall prey to this stunt, Taylor. It’s not worth — wait, what are we saying? No one disrespects the wolf! FINISH THIS CHUMP!
2. Snooki rejects marriage proposal from beau who popped question on cover of Steppin’ Out
She wanted a more tasteful proposal — something in G(TL)Q.
3. John Lennon’s toilet fetches $14,700 at auction
It’s actually where he wrote I Want to Hold Your Hand…After You Wash It.
4. Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg tops Vanity Fair’s Most Influential list
Share the news with everyone, even if you don’t want to!
5. Demi Moore dances on stage at Snoop Dogg show
”I wanted to recapture the feeling when I hopped on stage with Bruce Springsteen in the ‘Dancing in the Dark’ video,” she said. ”What’s that? That was Courteney Cox? Huh. Well, then can I take back my groove?”
6. Venezuelan politician holds breast-implant raffle fund-raiser
Back in the U.S., Heidi Montag took out an emergency $50,000 loan and speed-read South American Unicameral Parliaments for Dummies.
7. Axl storms off stage during GN’R gig
I prefer to look at the positive, and commend Mr. Rose for showing up to one of his concerts.
8. American Idol contestant who filed $300 million suit against show for allegedly exploiting his sexual orientation refiles with ”cleaner” amount, $100 million
”I’m not surprised, because gays tend to like things neat and orderly,” said an Idol producer before adding, ”Did I just screw up? Is it going back up to $300 million?”
9. John Cusack’s tweet advocating ”satanic death cult center” at Fox News HQ outrages network
Security is on the lookout for a man in a trench coat, holding a suspicious machine above his head.
10. Lost co-creator, producer pitching TV show about Alcatraz
Oooh! Oooh! I totally know what the Island is!