Bravo has confirmed that Real Housewives of New Jersey star Caroline Manzo’s sons, Albie and Christopher, will appear on the upcoming season of The Millionaire Matchmaker. These boys are not self-made millionaires (Christopher’s entrepreneurial skills haven’t paid off yet, and Albie’s legal future is temporarily on hold), but rather the children of successful parents. Regardless, they seem to work hard and have escaped falling victim to a nasty case of entitlement that has affected other Housewives children. And considering everything that’s gone down over the course of two seasons, Albie and Chris still seem to be carrying on relatively normal lives. Good morals, a close family, and a connection to Andy Cohen? Where do I sign up?
Now I know Patti Stanger comes from a long line of matchmakers, and finding people’s soulmates is her job and everything, but I consider myself pretty fluent in Housewife, so here’s my take on who the boys should be looking for:
Albie, 24, needs a bookworm who will be able to keep him on task. Since Albie may never want to leave his parents’ house (or since Caroline might not let him), she has to be cool with sharing a bathroom with her future mother-in-law (and watching her shave her face in the morning). Albie tends to be packing…heat, as he recently graduated from the police academy, so his future spouse should be partial to crappy coffee and long nights sitting in cars in some of New Jersey’s most scenic parking lots and highways. But in all seriousness, Caroline revealed that Albie has previously given up girlfriends in order to study, so someone who is secure enough with themselves, doesn’t need constant attention, and can handle a relationship conducted primarily over Skype, is probably the best bet.
Meanwhile younger brother Chris, 21, of the future worldwide strip club/car wash phenomenon, is jovial and silly as they come. Ladies, if you don’t mind a man who works with pole dancers and car wax all day, this one’s for you. Maybe if you’re lucky, Caroline will let you call him “Chriddopher,” and maybe, just maybe, you can have your wedding at The Brownstone (I think he knows a guy). Also, Christopher’s future wife must understand and love all aspects of The Ham Game. No exceptions.
Still interested, ladies? Just think, if the fates align and you find yourself made for one of these fine young men, you could be related to the Manzo clan! Finally, your random spouting of “Let me tell you something about my family…” at parties (anyone? Or is this just me?) will finally be relevant!
The Millionaire Matchmaker returns to Bravo on Tuesday October 19 at 9 p.m.. Will this news make you more likely to watch?