Jeff Jensen
September 17, 2010 AT 05:31 PM EDT

Image Credit: AMCWith the new television season upon us, and with this sensational season of Mad Men so top of mind, we were struck by the following thought: Would Mad Men’s Sally Draper, noted TV afficianado, be interested in previewing the new Fall season that’s about to start in her world of 1965? “Sure!” said the cute little couch potato.”But we gotta make it fast, because I got therapy in an hour, and The Witch only lets me have five minutes of phone time a day, and my boyfriend Glen hasn’t called yet to breathe heavily into my ear. ” Here’s what sounds exciting to her — and what sounds like a total turn-off.

My Mother The Car (Sept. 14, NBC)

Jerry Van Dyke stars in this wacky new sitcom about a guy who believes his dead mom has been resurrected as an automobile.

Sally Says: “This sounds terrible! It’s like they took my ideal fantasy (mom, dying), and then turned it into my worst nightmare (mom, eternally alive and parked in my driveway). If each episode involves a car crash, I’d be interested in watching. The car crashes, I mean. Still, why couldn’t it be My Grandpa Eugene, The Car? Now there’s a show — but only if he lets the girl drive.”

Run For Your Life (Sept. 13, NBC)

From the producer of The Fugitive comes a new drama about a man who is told he only has two years to live and decides to make the most of it.

Sally Says: “Very promising. I like The Fugitive, though it could be a whole lot better if it was about a young girl horribly wronged by a witchy, bitchy woman and who chases after the elusive and shifty father-figurish man that can make it all right. I like the title Run For Your Life. It makes me giggle in a private-joke kind of way, because, at night, I sneak into Mommy’s room and whisper those very words into Henry’s ear. Run for your life, Henry! Run for your life! So far: not working. But I’m not going to give up hope! I’m a Draper, and Drapers never give up! (Except on marriage.)”

Lost In Space (Sept. 15, CBS)

A science fiction saga about a family in the future who become “lost in space” after a robot runs amuck inside their spaceship.

Sally Says: “They say that this red-headed Bill Mumy boy is going to be a big hit with the girls. But he can’t hold a candle to David McCallum, though that’s not to say I have a type. In fact, if you squint a little bit, don’t you think my boyfriend Glen looks exactly like Robert Vaughn? Napoleon Solo, indeed!”

The Dean Martin Show (Sept. 16, NBC)

A variety comedy hour presented by everybody’s favorite boozy-woozy Rat Packing crooner, Dean Martin.

Sally Says: “Spending an evening once a week with a drunk guy? That’s not a TV show. That’s called Visitation.”

Hogan’s Heroes (Sept. 17, CBS)

Bob Crane stars as the quippy leader of a group of POWs seemingly incarcerated at a Nazi prisoner-of-war camp — but really they’re running a secret intelligence operation right under the nose of the inept Col. Klink!

Sally Says: “I don’t know much about the European part of the war, except for what I know from Creepy Glen’s collection of vintage Nazi propaganda. However, I know alllllll about what happened in the Pacific. One time, before The Witch scared Daddy away, they had Uncle Roger over for one of Mommy’s stupid international-themed dinner party things, and there was a Japanese food course, and… well, let’s just say Uncle Roger sure has some colorful stories!”

I Spy, Get Smart!, Wild Wild West

HOT TREND! TV goes “spy-fi” with a bunch of new shows offering variations on the James Bond Theme. I Spy (Sept. 15, NBC) is a gritty affair that pairs Robert Culp with comedian Bill Cosby, the first African-American cast in a lead role on prime time TV. Get Smart (Sept. 18, NBC) opts for a spoofy comedy approach, while Wild Wild West (Sept. 17, CBS) goes high-concept by blending in sci-fi and Western elements.

Sally Says: “After the sudden, heartbreaking cancellation of the cult pop sensation Johnny Quest due to high costs last spring, I have my doubts about the industry’s commitment to supporting ambitious genre material, especially if the shows have so-called ‘mythology’ elements and mystery-driven storylines. Why should I even bother investing in these promising series, with their complex characters and textured worlds and rich histories, if I suspect their networks are just going to quickly cancel them if they aren’t immediate hits? Besides, I think I can handle only one geek-pop obsession at a time — and The Man From UNCLE more than hits the spot!”

I Dream of Jeannie (Sept. 18, 1965)

A comedy about a 2000-year old genie that serves the whims of a retired astronaut.

Sally Says: “I used to dream once.”

Twitter: @EWDocJensen

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