1. Jon Hamm jokes he’s too old to play Superman in big-screen update
But it’s never too late for him to replace Chris Hemsworth as ageless thunder god Thor. Believe the hype: It’s Hamm-er time!
2. Sacha Baron Cohen to play Freddie Mercury in biopic
He looks great in a mustache and a skintight outfit — and ”Bohemian Rhapsody” can always be Auto-Tuned.
3. President Obama pens children’s book
Not titled Malia and Sasha’s First Tea Party.
4. As the World Turns ends 54-year run on CBS
Or, in a shocking turn of events…does it? (Actually, it does. Sorry. All out of twists.)
5. Italian dream team: De Niro, Pacino, Pesci, and Scorsese may join forces for The Irishman
”Once again, the good ones get left on the sidelines,” sighed Tony Danza, returning to his bocce game with Super Mario and Scott Baio.
6. Kim Kardashian taking action against company making Kinky Kim Filthy Love Doll; company says any similarities are ”purely coincidental”
As you see, the doll is so lifelike, it bends just so, and it — oops, that’s actually the real Kim posing for a photo.
7. George Michael spending four weeks in jail for DUI
Oh, and the bathrooms in there? Nowhere near as nice as a public restroom.
8. Cambodian government cancels controversial miniseries in which beautiful woman is auctioned off for marriage
”Hey, if you’re not going to use that…,” said a VH1 exec to a Cambodian official.
9. Comedy Central hosts Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert tweak Fox News’ Glenn Beck by staging opposing rallies on Washington, D.C.’s National Mall
First person to get drunk on idealism and pee in the reflecting pool gets shamed on Tosh.0.
10. Interpol chief’s Facebook identity stolen, used to obtain police intel
21,309 criminals like this.