Darren Franich
October 14, 2010 AT 02:00 PM EDT

Image Credit: James Fisher(2)Rough estimates indicate that there are an estimated 547,000 characters who are considered “X-Men.” I am not effing with you. (And that doesn’t count future selves, alternate-reality duplicates, and omniscient trans-universal bird clones.) And X-Men fight each other all the time: because of mind control, because of puberty, or because they just plain don’t like each other. None of the fights are ever particularly decisive — they’re a family, after all — but it still takes some serious mojo for Ryan Reynolds to unilaterally announce that Deadpool could kick Wolverine’s shiny adamantium butt. After all, unless I’m forgetting anything, Deadpool has fought Wolverine in comic books, movies, and television, and always lost. (Although who ever really loses when both characters can heal from decapitation?) Still, Reynolds’ cheerleading can’t help but make you wonder: Which X-Man would stand triumphant in a knock-down drag-out fight?

You may disagree, but I think this comes down to three contenders whose powers are not based on line-of-sight (to counter telepathy): Storm, because her powers don’t require line-of-sight, and she could just create absolute environmental chaos; Multiple Man, because he’s an army unto himself; and Nightcrawler, because he can keep teleporting constantly and sneak-attack anyone. I envision Storm drowning out the entire country in a massive tsunami/tornado/hurricane/volcano attack. Multiple Man would stay afloat by making ships out of his dead clone-bodies and ultimately drowning Storm in Madrox corpses. Finally, Nightcrawler would bamf-attack his way through every Multiple duplicate until he got the final guy. Nightcrawler victorious! (Of course, centuries later, Wolverine would probably swim to the surface of the now-flooded Earth. Because Wolverine is awesome.)

PopWatchers, who do you think is the Ultimate X-Man? Any Cyclops fans want to make an argument for why Scott Summers wouldn’t go out in the first round? Is it weird that I want Maggot to win everything? His power is that he has worms digest things for him! Why isn’t there a spin-off yet!

You May Like