Johnny Knoxville, high on Jackass 3D’s boffo opening weekend, laced up his Chuck Taylors and made his way over to Chelsea Lately last night. Now this is the way you give good interview, folks. Handler opened by declaring him a f@#*ing idiot; he happily agreed. She congratulated him on his recent nuptials and new baby, the miracle child conceived despite his broken penis. I appreciate that he assumes his audience knows that it is hairspray that gives a potato gun its power. (I have no idea what he’s talking about.) But mostly, I like the sound of this man’s 14-year-old daughter Madison. Clearly her father’s daughter, the girl learned at a young age to give as good as she got. So if Jackass director Jeff Tremaine dares to douse her with a spray hose, then she will retaliate by getting another one of her father’s idiot friends to piss in the man’s beer. And something tells me this child is reading Jane Eyre or doing complicated math equations in her room while those jackasses snicker over Tom & Jerry reruns. My one pet peeve with this whole story is it began with Knoxville explaining that one day, when he was babysitting Madison… Daddies: You’re not babysitting when you’re watching your kid. You’re parenting.
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Am I alone in harboring a terrific crush on Knoxville? Is that a Southern man for you or what? Instinctually calling a woman “ma’am” on one hand while talking about dildos being shot into his mouth on the other. And is it just me or is “ma’am” probably the least offensive thing Handler has ever been called?