Yesterday was a good day: We whipped up some guac, plugged in our new flat screens, invited over a few buddies, and adjusted our chair settings to max recline. The only thing that could’ve made this Super Bowl Sunday any better? If we had been lucky enough to witness that Packers-Steelers battle in person. Paul Scheer — star of FX’s fantasy football comedy The League — made the trek to Dallas, and was kind/lucid enough to share his Super Bowl diary with EW.
2:30 p.m CT. Go to local cheese shop and get my head sized for an appropriate cheesehead.
3:07 p.m. Boarded our transport. I’m pretty sure everyone on this bus would not only fail the breathalzyer test but might actually break it. I’m guessing we have a combined blood alcohol level of 80.00.
3:33 p.m. Sitting in standstill traffic. Thinking of just getting out here and watching the game at a local Dallas tanning salon.
4:00 p.m. Parked. People say that these parking lots are overpriced but they are only asking for a couple hundred bucks or your firstborn. We went with firstborn.
5:00 p.m. We enter the stadium. We are each given a corporate logo to wear in case we are shown on TV.
5:15 p.m. Watching the team preview. I realize not only is Sam Elliott the only guy who can make a moustache look cool, but he can also narrate anything and it would be interesting. He should get a job on C-SPAN.
5:19 p.m. Heard a rumor that Lea Michele is going to rip off her mask and reveal she’s been Tupac all along…. Doesn’t happen. Bummed.
5:20 p.m. George W. Bush gets huge applause. Don’t know why. Then remember “Oh yeah, we are in Texas.”
5:44 p.m. Super Bowl has begun, but I find myself missing watching the Super Bowl commercials. So I just start acting out sexy GoDaddy fan-fiction commercials. My section doesn’t like it.
6:00 p.m. TOUCHDOWN! (Otherwise known as time to pee!)
6:07 p.m. People start applauding me at the urinal. I later realize Green Bay intercepted and scored again. I’m a little disappointed. I thought they were excited for me.
6:23 p.m. Steelers score and I finish something called a COWBOY-A-GRITA, which I don’t think is a historically accurate drink.
7:00 p.m. Really regret making my cheesehead out of brie. It’s stinking up my section.
7:12 p.m. The stadium gets special glow stick training so we don’t mess up the halftime show. The pressure is on! We can’t let down Taboo and the rest of the Peas!
7:30 p.m. Halftime! Or as I like to call it TRON 3 with Slash.
7:45 p.m. Time to buy an Ugly Superbowl shirt that I’ll only wear once.
7:59 p.m. Starting to think if Zombo started a church, I would attend. He’s a God!
8:20 p.m.Just ate a Frito Pie. My cholesterol triples in five minutes.
8:33 p.m. Phone dies. Can’t follow all my friends making Roethlisberger jokes on Twitter.
8:50 p.m. Game is over. Green Bay wins. Security, however, doesn’t let me stay to watch Glee on their 100-foot screen. Weird.
9:10 p.m. Leaving the stadium feels and looks like a zombie movie, but it smells like a brewery.
9:19 p.m. Board bus home. Lose three straight games of Hangman. Spelling is hard.
What do you say, PopWatchers? Was your day as exciting as Scheer’s? Feel free to share your diary below.