Darren Franich
March 30, 2011 AT 04:56 PM EDT

Female Force: Angelina Jolie is a biographical comic book about the famous actress — but you wouldn’t know that from the cover (see left). No, based on the cover (and not on reality), this is a brave piece of muckraking journalism which offers the looniest conspiracy theory this side of everything Oliver Stone has said in the last decade: Apparently, the being we know as “Angelina Jolie” is actually three extraordinarily attractive triplets. On the far left is Teasingly Charming Angelina, star of Pushing Tin and The Good Shepherd. In the middle is Gorgeously Brutal Angelina, star of action-stravaganzas like Salt and Wanted. On the right is Thoughtful Charity Angelina, crusader for truth and and global justice. (You can tell she’s thoughtful, because she’s staring at something in the distance. Also: cufflinks!) Coming soon from the same people: Female Force: Ayn Rand, in which (based on the cover) we learn that the author of Atlas Shrugged has ascended to a higher plane and is now a giant floating head staring at the earth, and also the sun has been replaced by a giant glowing Communist flag. Topical!

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