Charlie Sheen kicks off his “Violent Torpedo of Truth” tour Saturday night in Detroit, and nobody is sure what to expect. How will the actor transform his new-found gonzo blend of celebrity bridge-burning mania to the stage? Is VTOT a drama? Spoken word? Avant-garde? A musical? A comedy? Or will Sheen combine all of the above into an unholy theatrical stew? Here’s our ideas …
— Drama: An Oedipal Complex theme is on full display during a stunning adaptation of Apocalypse Now that concludes with Sheen’s machete take-down of a Chuck Lorre look-alike.
— Musical: A chorus line of dancing warlocks casts a spell on a delighted audience.
— Comedy: It’s Two and a Half Men — only better! Sheen’s version has jingle writer Charlie ditching his troll roommate, teaching the kid how to score with goddesses and cure addiction with his mind. The show closes with an illegible vanity card written in tiger blood.
— Spoken word: The Torpedo Monologues. A shockingly nude Sheen gives a live reading of his lawsuit against Warner Bros. Bows, exits.
— Avant-garde: In a postmodernist meta parable of consumerism, Sheen makes the audience increasingly uncomfortable as he spends 90 minutes on the phone blowing the proceeds from the Torpedo of Truth tour on a lavish party. “Here goes your hard-earned money,” he declares. “Winning!”
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