The Royal Wedding is over. Plucky upper-middle-class everygal Kate Middleton has been magically transformed by her big-hatted fairy godmother, the Archbishop of Canterbury, into Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, wife of the future King of England, and someone who will spend the next several decades known widely (if not entirely accurately) as “Princess Kate.” Princess-ing is a hard job, though, so here are ten important lessons the new arrival can learn from ten beloved pop culture princesses.
Princess Ariel of Atlantica: Don’t be afraid to pursue impossible dreams, such as feeding the world’s hungry children or transforming a fish-tail into a pair of human legs.
Princess Fiona of Far Far Away: A good marriage is built on compromises, like sharing the remote control or transforming into a big green ogre.
Princess Leia of Alderaan: Just because you’re in love with the guy doesn’t mean you can’t occasionally call him a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder.
Wonder Woman, a.k.a. Diana, Princess of Amazons: Don’t be afraid to use your position to inspire the women of the world. Also, never never never wear latex pants.
Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom: Consider having William and Harry train in the fine art of attack-plumbing, just in case you get kidnapped by a turtle-dragon from a foreign power like Liechtenstein.
Princess Mononoke of the Forest: Be kind to the environment. Seriously, you want the wolves on your side when the freakin’ Forest Spirit starts attacking civilization.
Buttercup, The Princess Bride of Florin: Well, you’re already married, so hopefully Will’s a Westley and not a Humperdinck!
Princess Zelda of Hyrule: It’s nice to have private security guards. But you know what’s really nice? Having a mute boy-of-the-forest on retainer in case you need any questing done.
Lumpy Space Princess of Lumpy Space: Don’t be afraid to accessorize! A little star-bling goes a long way, especially if you just rolled out of bed and have to go to a serious media function, or if you’re a purple ball of fluff.
Xena, Warrior Princess: Speak softly and carry a big sword. And you know what? Don’t even speak softly. Just the sword thing will do.
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