Imagine a future Celebrity Apprentice cast. Now, imagine them all getting devoured by man-eating fish, and you’ve got Piranha 3DD, the follow-up to 2010’s blood-and-boobs fest Piranha 3D. Just look at the actors involved: Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, Paul Scheer, Gary Busey, Katrina Bowden, and now, David Hasselhoff. Yep, that’s right: The Weinstein Co. announced Wednesday that the America’s Got Talent judge and hamburger aficionado is set to join the sequel.
But here’s where I enter a plea to The Weinstein Co. I want just one thing for the holidays this year (the film is headed to theaters in November 2011): Please, oh please, let Hasselhoff play Mitch Buchannon. You know Mitch — he’s the heroic lifeguard on Baywatch who served as the shining example for morals and chest hair. He has so much to offer Piranha 3DD: The ability to run in slow motion (see: 0:49 below), experience saving lives near big objects that float in the sea (see: these), and an oh-so-expendable son (oh, Hobie!) who could prove to be motivation for some kick-ass Don’t-Hassle-the-Hoff revenge against the toothy fellas.
Who’s with me? I’m foreseeing some sort of piranha mass death inspired by the Mars Attacks! Slim Whitman plotline. “Looking for Freedom” kills in Germany. I wonder if it would literally work under the sea.
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