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Eminem has now dissed all celebrities; nation yawns

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Image Credit: Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

Eminem’s at it again with the celebrity disses in “A Kiss,” a track off his forthcoming album Hell: The Sequel. But are they even that bad, compared to some of the more ridiculous s— he’s doled out? Below, I’ve listed some of the Chrysler enthusiast’s more egregious celeb disses. And it’s not even all of ‘em! (I know you guys have been on the edges of your seats waiting for my opinions on Eminem.)

Lady Gaga (“A Kiss”)
Tell Lady Gaga she can quit her job at the post office
She’s already a male lady
Wouldn’t f— her with her d—
The verdict’s in.

She must be heartbroken about that!

Justin Bieber (“A Kiss”)
Him don’t give a damn about Bieber, do him?
Evil just seems to be seeping through him.

There are so many “hims” here.

Christopher Reeve (“Christopher Reeve” and other songs)
Cause I ain’t got no legs
or no brain
nice to meet you
hi my name is…
I forgot my name
my name was not to become what i became with this level of fame
my soul is possessed by this devil
my new name is…
Rain Man

I will never understand their beef.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon (“Bagpipes From Baghdad”)
I mean I really want ya bad, you c—
Nick, you had your fun, I’ve come to kick you in your sack of junk
Man, I could use a fresh batch of blood
So prepare your vernacular for Dracula acupuncture

And this is him sober!

To retaliate, Mariah dressed in drag as Eminem to play her own stalker in her video for “Obsessed.” And then…..

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon (“The Warning”)
I don’t even think I can paste any of this s— here.. Read the lyrics here. My God. The language on this young man!

Michael Jackson (“Just Lose It”)
I done touched on everything, but little boys
That’s not a stab at Michael
That’s just a metaphor, I’m just psycho

That’s not a metaphor.

Christina Aguilera and kind of Britney Spears (”The Real Slim Shady”)
Half of you critics can’t even stomach me, let alone stand me
“But Slim, what if you win, wouldn’t it be weird?”
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
and hear ‘em argue over who she gave h— to first

EWWWWW.com.

Chris Kirkpatrick/Limp Bizkit (“Without Me”)
Chris Kirkpatrick, you can get your ass kicked
worse than them little Limp Bizkit bastards

Hard to say which party comes across worse here.

Moby (“Without Me”)
And Moby? You can get stomped by Obie
You 36-year-old baldheaded f–, blow me
You don’t know me, you’re too old, let go
It’s over, nobody listen to techno

Oh look! You’re older than that now.

Elvis (“Without Me”)
I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley
to do black music so selfishly
and used it to get myself wealthy
(Hey!!) There’s a concept that works

Hey!! I think Elvis can handle it.

Pussycat Dolls/Nicole Scherzinger (“Medicine Ball”)
I won’t rape all the Pussycat Dolls
Nicole, you kiddin’?

Are YOU kidding????

Rihanna (“Medicine Ball”)
I’ll pee on Rihanna, see man
I’ll do what I wanna
Spray perfume in a sauna
Run Crazy Glue and Madonna
To the La-Z-Boy sofa
Fold her in two then sit on her

SEE, MAN?

Madonna (“Medicine Ball”)
Imagine the visual for that, man
Who woulda thought I
Could ever be such a relentless
Prick unleashing his angers(?)
But the chick’s so old
She looks like she out-lived a life sentence

So will you one day, dude.

Kim Kardashian (“We Made You”)
Damn, I think Kim Kardashian’s a man
She stomped him just cause he asked to put his hands
On her massive Gluteus maximus again
Squeeze it, then Squish it, then pass it to her friend

Someone needs to write a rap song about Squeezeits.

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson (“We Made You”)
He does not mean to lesbian offend
But Lindsay please come back to seeing men
Samantha’s a 2, You’re practically a 10
I know you want me girl,
In fact I see your grin

(Not really a dis, I guess, aside from the numbers.) She’s probably looking into a mirror!

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia di Rossi (“We Made You”)
Sorry Portia, but what’s Ellen DeGeneres
Have that I don’t, are you telling me tenderness?
Well I can be as gentle and as smooth as a gentleman
Give me my ventolin inhaler and 2 Xenadrine

You have a penis. It’s a problem!

Sarah Palin (“We Made You”)
And I’ll invite Sarah Palin out to dinner then
Nail her, ‘Baby say hello to my little friend’

GROSS.

Jessica Alba (“We Made You”)
Why should I wash my filthy mouth out
You think that’s bad you should hear the rest of my album
Never has there been such finesse and nostalgia
Man Cash, I don’t mean to mess up your gal but
Jessica Alba put a breast in my mouth (brrp)
Wowzers, I just made a mess of my trousers

Eminem: This generation’s Ogden Nash?

Read More at EW.com:
Eminem adds Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber to his diss list
Eminem, Foo Fighters, Coldplay top Lollapalooza’s 20th anniversary lineup
Lady Gaga honored at fashion awards. What on Earth can she do next?

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