Everett Collection
Darren Franich
June 28, 2011 AT 02:20 PM EDT

There’s something weird. It don’t look good. Who you gonna call? Now, don’t just say “The Ghostbusters,” because thanks to some messy ’80s trademark laws, any old gang of supernatural investigators can name themselves after the iconic Marshmallow-exploding foursome who starred in 1984’s Ghostbusters. No, you don’t want any fake ghost-busters; you want The Real Ghostbusters, who starred in the cartoon series of the same name for seven proton pack-tastic seasons. The series’ title was later amended to Slimer and the Real Ghostbusters to reflect the increased importance of the chubby green ghoul. And that’s fine; when we were kids, we all loved Slimer. But kids are stupid, so let’s get down to brass tacks here: Who’s the coolest member of the Real Ghostbusters?

Peter Venkman

Hair Style: Beautifully coiffed brown

Original Movie Hair Style: Well, in the movie, Peter was played by Bill Murray. Suffice it to say, Murray did not have beautifully coiffed hair.

If Ghostbusters were Animal House, he’d be: Otter, the adorable cad

Egon Spengler

Hair style: A blonde Jean Harlow cut with a surprise rat-tail extension

Original Movie Hair Style: As played by Harold Ramis, movie-Egon had a tall brown do, but no rat-tail. Thank god for cartoons.

If Ghostbusters were Animal House, he’d be: Hoover, the clean-cut fraternity President who invariably has to get his friends out of scrapes. Since Egon is the brains of the outfit, he’s arguably the only one of them who is actually qualified to, you know, bust ghosts.

Ray Stantz

Hair Style: A fiery ginger combover

Original Movie Hair Style: Dan Akyroyd found a horrible middle-ground between Murray’s restless anti-baldness patch and Ramis’ straight-to-the-moon platform cut. Yet again: Advantage, cartoon.

If Ghostbusters were Animal House, he’d be: Flounder, the big-hearted, big-boned pledge who derives childlike joy from almost everything

Winston Zeddemore

Hair Style: Jet-black hair, trimmed to the cranium

Original Movie Hair Style: The same, but Ernie Hudson also rocked an awesome mustache. Advantage: Movie.

If Ghostbusters were Animal House, he’d be: Boon, the savvy everyman

Slimer

Hair Style: N/A

Original Movie Hair Style: N/A

If Ghostbusters were Animal House, he’d be: Bluto the man-child mascot

Janine Melnitz

Hair Style: A spiky-red dye job, which gave the Ghostbusters’ secretary the aura of a lady perpetually coming from or going to a New Wave concert.

Original Movie Hair Style: Annie Potts played Janine with a smart brown pixie cut.

If Ghostbusters were Animal House, she’d be: Katy, the cool-chick galpal with a cutting sense of humor

Those are the options, viewer — who would you pick?

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Follow Darren on Twitter: @EWDarrenFranich

Read more:

Who is the coolest member of Voltron?

Who is the coolest member of Jem and the Holograms?

Who is the coolest ‘DuckTales’ character?

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