Dan Snierson
August 12, 2011 AT 04:00 AM EDT

1. Nicki Minaj has nip slip on Good Morning America
Guess her idea of a wake-up call is turndown service.

2. Fox News hosts blast SpongeBob SquarePants for not telling kids that man-made global warming is a ”disputed fact”
Disputed, huh? Then explain why SpongeBob wasn’t even underwater in the first two seasons!

3. First Star Trek theme park to open
If you win a red shirt at the Klingon Toss, for the love of Khan, don’t put it on while you’re still in the park.

4. Dolly Parton says craziest fan gift she ever received was a baby delivered to her doorstep
”Oh, I’d get a DNA test before I signed for that,” said Arnold Schwarzenegger.

5. Adam Levine sues Activision for Band Hero, saying players can sing songs using his avatar in female voice
Meanwhile, critics praised the game’s ”incredible realism.”

6. The Smiths inspire comic-book series
Follow ’80s alternative-rock hero Morrissey Man as he tries with a sigh to avenge the murders of various meats.

7. Germaphobe Howie Mandel moves office into building that houses porn-company headquarters, TMZ reports
As a passive-aggressive goodwill gesture, Mandel had a Purell fountain installed in the lobby.

8. Oprah to receive special Oscar
There’s a perfectly good explanation for this: Oprah pointed to a picture of an Oscar, said ”That!” and Academy board members nodded.

9. S&P downgrades U.S. credit for first time in history, stock market plunges
SNL readies depressing new character: Debty Downer.

10. The Situation scores six-figure tuxedo-endorsement deal
Those aren’t pleats on the shirt — they’re formal abs.

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