EW Staff
September 30, 2011 AT 04:00 AM EDT

Parks and Recreation can now be enjoyed in book form! In this exclusive excerpt from Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America (in stores Oct. 4), scowly assistant April presents ”April’s Guide to HIPSTER PAWNEE” — complete with Leslie Knope’s footnotes — to the humdrum Indiana city.

Hi. I’m April. So you want to experience something ”hip”? Okay. Get in your car. Go to the nearest airport. That will be the Pawnee Airport, because it is the only airport. Walk up to the ticket counter and buy a ticket. Doesn’t matter where. The only planes that fly out of there are those little rickety scary planes that look like they’re going to fall apart when someone like even sneezes, but they can fly you away from here so it’s worth it. Get on one and tell the guy to fly you anywhere. You can be in Indianapolis in like an hour — just do it, and then from there get on a plane to a real city with real people and real things to do.*

If there are no flights, I guess you can go to this one vintage store in Pawnee called Glen’s Closet. Unfortunately Glen sucks and so does his closet.** Everything smells like mothballs and corn chips. On the rare occasion there is something kind of cool that comes in, the girls that work there get all the best stuff. Whatever.

After Glen’s Closet, the coolest thing in Pawnee is the garbage dump and I’m not even kidding. It’s a huge garbage dump filled with (a) weird trash from all the freaks who live here, and (b) like a billion raccoons.

After the garbage dump, in terms of ”hipness,” literally everything else in the entire town is tied for last.

*She is kidding. She loves Pawnee, and she is happily married to a great guy, and she secretly loves her job as assistant to Ron Swanson, and the only reason I am letting her put this in my book is because I want her to see how silly she looks when this is printed.
**This part I agree with — that place sucks.

Excerpted from the book Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America by Leslie Knope. Copyright (c) 2011 Universal City Studios Productions, L.L.L.P. Published by Hyperion. All Rights Reserved. Available wherever books are sold.

You May Like