Dan Snierson
November 04, 2011 AT 12:00 PM EDT

1. After weeks of speculation, Jessica Simpson confirms she is pregnant

Now she can have all the fried pickles and fried ice cream she wants without your judgment.

2. FX buys Charlie Sheen comedy

Sheen generously offered to throw in a few dramas at no extra price!

3. Larry King says he got back the $700,000 he invested with Bernie Madoff

He explains: ”I suddenly remembered a breakfast I had in 1982 with Henry Winkler at Morty’s Deli — you gotta try their blintzes — and he told me how to identify a Fonzie scheme. So thank you, Henry!”

4. Twenty-five million watch Cardinals complete miracle comeback against Rangers to win World Series, biggest audience since Red Sox ended drought in ’04

Rangers fans, take it from Sox fans: It gets better. (And worse.)

5. John Lennon’s rotten tooth to be auctioned off

Pretty gross, but at least it sheds light on the obscure Beatles demo ”We Can Yank It Out.”

6. Glee celebrates 300th musical performance

Didn’t they hit that milestone by, like, episode 8?

7. Nancy Grace jokes partner Tristan MacManus dropped her on her head during Dancing With the Stars rehearsal

Asked how the accident happened, Tristan said, ”Accident?”

8. Guinness names Samuel L. Jackson highest-grossing actor ever; films earned $7.4 billion

Told of news, he shook his head and said, ”Man! That’s some real f—ed up s—.”

9. Jersey Shore casting director searching for aspiring politicos to star on reality show

Not as easy as you’d think to find someone with eyes crazier than Pauly D’s but not as crazy as Michele Bachmann’s.

10. Michael Lohan violates judge’s order hours after release from jail, leaps off balcony into tree to elude police

Okay, everyone who had Lindsay this week, pay up!

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