EW Staff
November 04, 2011 AT 04:00 AM EDT

”I have seen Matthew McConaughey so stoned he thought he saw Me.”

”I have seen Meg Ryan suck collagen directly into her lips with a straw.”

”I have seen Angelina Jolie place four Bostwanan orphans in a steel cage and order them to ‘fight for my love.”’

”I have seen Andy Dick fall off the wagon, then grope it.”

”I have seen P. Diddy behave in such a way as to disgrace not only himself, but the entire Diddy name, back unto ten generations of Diddys.”

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