Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo
Lanford Beard
December 05, 2011 AT 12:00 PM EST

Andy Cohen’s Watch What Happens Live is known for its levity, including Cohen’s penchant to name a “Jackhole of the Day” and invite guests to play parlor games with names like “Atlanta or A-Man-ta.” Tonight, though, when Taylor Armstrong stopped by to discuss the latest in a series of dramatic Real Housewives of Beverly Hills episodes centering on her fraught marriage, the tension was palpable.

“I was a trainwreck,” Taylor admitted, regarding the filming for this latest season of Beverly Hills. All the episodes were shot while she was trying to reconcile with her husband Russell, who ultimately committed suicide in August. The get-together shown on this evening’s episode was especially stressful because it was in the wake of revelations about the Armstrongs’ abusive marriage by fellow Housewife Camille Grammer — facts that Taylor herself only admitted after her husband’s death. Looking back on the cataclysmic meltdown she suffered during the get-together at Housewife Brandi Glanville’s house, Taylor admitted, “I see a woman who was out of control…about to go off the deep end.” What else did she have to say about the last days of her marriage and today’s news that her fellow Housewife has gone to rehab? 

“My biggest fears were unraveling,” Taylor said of the cocktail party shown on tonight’s episode. “I was losing my mind…I was really terrified.” After Camille’s on-camera revelations about Russell, Taylor feared for her own safety and that of her daughter Kennedy, now 5 years old. “I was so stunned by it and felt so betrayed,” she said.

Taylor choked up as she admitted the cycle of abuse “started at a very young age for me.” During the first season of Beverly Hills, she made a point of advocating for victims of domestic abuse because of her own experience growing up in a household beset by violence. That she grew up to be in an abusive relationship was not lost on Taylor. “When you’re in it, you’re so scared, and you can’t really get a good handle on it.” Still, she owned up through tears, “I ended up in this situation because of my own flaws and my own insecurities.”

It’s been widely reported that the Armstrongs’ daughter was with Taylor when she found Russell’s body. Tonight, Taylor revealed with a catch in her throat that Kennedy immediately sensed something wrong, asking, “Did Daddy do something dumb?” Taylor is currently in the process of moving on and hopes to keep her daughter’s life as normal as possible. “We each have good days and bad days,” she admitted. She says they spend a lot of time with fellow Housewife Kyle Richards: “We have slumber parties at Kyle’s house” with Kyle’s 4-year-old daughter Portia. Kennedy “doesn’t ever want to leave because it’s a big family there, and we’re just two people.”

Taylor also addressed today’s reports that Housewives castmate Kim Richards, sister of Kyle, has checked into rehab. “I adore Kim, and I stand behind her,” said Taylor. “If she’s getting healthy, what more can we ask?”

What do you think, PopWatchers? Did you catch Watch What Happens Live and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills tonight? What do you think of Taylor’s decision to reveal her personal struggles in this way?

Read more:

EW Recaps: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’: Was the tea party scene the most uncomfortable of the season?

Taylor Armstrong says late husband was abusive

‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Kim Richards enters rehab 

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