We teased tonight’s American Horror Story finale yesterday, but what about the 12 absolutely insane episodes that have preceded it? In advance of tonight’s season-ender, we’ve narrowed down 10 of the show’s weirdest, wackiest, WTF-iest moments so far. With so many spine-tingling, mind-blowing revelations, it was a tough call — tougher than munching on a plate o’ brains! Click through to see our countdown.
Honorable Mention: Ben’s magical towel
It wasn’t shocking in the traditional Horror Story sense, but the sticktoitiveness of Ben’s towel during a rough-and-tumble, hand-to-hand brawl with Rubber Man can’t go without a mention. Ryan Murphy revealed later that they kept the towel on so as not to distract from the moment, then he revealed that the episode was nearly called “The Case of the Magical Towel.” If that’s not enough to get you through the hiatus, well… keep reading.
10. Halloween hit-and-run
Addy’s death wasn’t the first murder on the show by a long shot. It was, however, the most unexpected — a totally arbitrary event that reminded viewers that evil lurked outside of the house, too. The driver didn’t even pause after he run over poor Addy, who was all dolled up in her creepy “pretty girl” mask. (Side note: Eric Stonestreet’s utterly out-of-left-field death-by-burglar offing was a close second.)
9. The bad touch
Just one of many disturbing moments in the premiere, burn victim and general leerer Larry Harvey stood in the back garden and watched as Ben weep-sturbated after being tempted by frisky housemaid, Moira. Not even the sight of Dylan McDermott’s well-formed posterior could slough the icky off of that moment.
8. Home improvement, body obscurement
Old Larry proved to be the gift that kept on giving when he took a shovel to the head of Ben’s pesky mistress, Hayden. Problem solved! Except, oh yeah, what would Ben do with the body? If your first instinct was, Throw a gazebo over that sucker!, then you and Murphy would probably have a lot to talk about at a cocktail party. Add some chilling music over Ben’s little DIY cover-up, and you’ve got one truly absurd moment.
7. Hatchet job
Thought the first episode was crazy? Things went next-level in episode 2, “Home Invasion,” specifically when Tate put an axe in the gut of one the sociopaths invading the Harmons’ home. The very same sociopath who had admitted earlier to Ben that her one fear in life was being chopped in half. It was the show’s first unabashedly violent, “Holy s***!” moment — the point at which co-creators Murphy and Brad Falchuk showed they weren’t playing around. It was also an early indicator of Tate’s ease with brutality (read on…).
6. High school shoot-up
Falchuk called Tate’s Columbine-like murder spree “the scariest scene that we did” all season. It was a sunny morning in L.A. when the troubled teen got tweaked out on crystal meth, set his stepfather wannabe Larry ablaze, then headed to school to take out a random sampling of his classmates. Thaddeus the Infantata may be frightening, but he generally only kills one person at a time.
5. A very unhappy ending indeed
Sure, Armenian-American real estate developer Joe Eskandarian was a slimeball, but when Moira took him down to the basement of your nightmares for a toothy hummer, it seemed an especially inglorious demise. Worst of all, he was able to see her shot-up old lady face for the first time as his life slowly faded away. (For the blood on Moira’s chin, this sequence was only slightly more shocking than housegay Patrick’s postmortem defiling by fireplace poker.)
4. Baby Frankenstein
About that Infantata… It was revealed that — in yet another wretched display of paternal instinct — former resident Dr. Charles Montgomery tried to replaced his murdered tot by freely mingling dead baby parts with animal offal, then stitching it all together. Did I mention there were copious amounts of drugs informing this out-of-the-box idea?
3. Say goodnight, Vivien
The shock value of Vivien’s death in childbirth was mitigated slightly by its proximity to the big reveal of Violet’s life-or-death status (see below), but that didn’t make it any less of a double-take moment. Twelve episodes in, and we were still asking, Can they do this to us?
2. Violet doesn’t live here anymore…
Live being the operative word. At least a couple of people at EW HQ saw this coming, but did they imagine we’d see Violet’s maggot-ravaged corpse? No, no they did not.
1. One of Vivien’s twins has devil horns — and is Tate’s!
Okay, technically these were two separate moments, but they added up to one hot mess. Watching that nurse faint at the sight of Vivien’s demon spawn was simultaneously hilarious and horrifying. Then to discover that the babies have two different fathers. OMG, Rubber Baby, OMG.
Your turn, PopWatchers! Which moments did you think were the most eye-bugging, jaw-dropping of the season? What are you hoping to see in tonight’s finale?