Annie Barrett
December 28, 2011 AT 06:46 PM EST

The Sense About Science (SAS) campaign has named Jersey Shore doctor of grain liquor Snooki and Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann as two of 2011’s worst offenders of Bad Science. Bachmann went on TV to tell a story of a Tampa woman who claimed her daughter had become “mentally retarded” from an HPV vaccine, and Snooki — well, Snooki’s sort of a science experiment gone wrong in so many (and some delightful) ways that I’d like to give her scientific claim its own paragraph. Let it breathe a little, like seamen amidst a gust of sea air.

“I don’t really like the beach. I hate sharks, and the water’s all whale sperm. That’s why the ocean’s salty.”

The untethered inclusion of “I hate sharks” in there is almost poetic. Think about it for a few seconds. NO, I’m just kidding, don’t hurt yourselves.

Apparently we’re supposed to get our scientific knowledge from sources other than our televisions. But what else is there? I’m confused.

This is such crap. I’ve just started a daily regimen of oil enemas so I can look and feel as beautiful as the Kardashians — now you’re telling me they might not be licensed physicians? That’s absurd. Debunk the debunkers!

Have you run into any other bad science on TV in 2011? Immortal dog on Revenge, anyone? Or how about Glee‘s triumphant claim that “Paula Abdul is an Arab”? (That one may be steeped in a Swarovski crystal chalice of truth, but there’s no need to give the government any more ideas, Fox — what is this, 2005?)

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