Ali Goldstein/NBC
Breia Brissey
March 23, 2012 AT 04:15 AM EDT

Another Thursday night with two new 30 Rock episodes? What have we done right to deserve this? (Ed. note: I’d still rather have one 30 Rock and one Parks and Rec in the same night. Is that too much to ask, NBC? Probably.) Disgruntled-ness aside, I’m still pleased with the double dose of Liz Lemon & Co. In lieu of a traditional recap — and to spare you the likely 2,000 words I’d write about an hour’s worth of TV — I’ve just picked out the best lines and moments from last night’s episodes. So let’s get right to it.

First up, we had “Grandmentor,” where Liz learned that mentoring is not an exact science. Maybe it’s just me, but I find Hazel more creepy than funny. But there where still a lot of great moments: Kenneth dove deeper into the crevasse to ensure Tracy was being taken care of. And Jack developed an idea to get Avery’s story back in the news.

++ “We found that if someone is actually on NBC, they’re four percent more likely to watch it.” —Jack

++ Jack: “Read the essays, Lemon. It’s not going to kill you.”

Liz: “Really? Cause this one is typed on the inside of a bloody halter top.”

++ Jack: “And as it turns out, Amnesty International is nothing but a company that makes and sells candles.”

Liz: “That explains all the vigils. Ugh. That is a good scam.”

++ “I will do whatever it takes to keep Avery’s plight in the public eye. Even go and see Matt Lauer’s band. It’s blues rock, Lemon. It’s called Rhythm and News.”

++ “Remember when we used to be the world leader in baby cuteness?” —Jack, after learning about the mining accident in China that featured puppies and babies

++ “No one knows who Krang is. It would be a waste of time to talk about Krang on television. No more Krang!” —Liz

++ “Are you sure? Cause I took one of those ‘which Gossip Girl are you?’ quizzes, and it said I was the dad’s guitar.” —Liz

++ Liz’s multiple references to Hilary Swank in The Next Karate Kid: “Fighting not good. But if must fight, win.”

++ Learning Wolf Blitzer’s “real name” is Steel Hammerhands

++ “I want you to hire a giant to stand in the background of every scene I’m in to make me look daintier. It works. That’s why Lamar Odom married that giant Kardashian girl.” —Jenna

++ “Okay, here’s a little bedroom tip. Put a bag of popcorn in the microwave beforehand. That way, when you’re done you have a treat!” —Liz

++ “You’re not a lead, Gabe. At best, you’re a featured extra with no lines.” —Jack, to the featured extra with no lines, Gabe

++ Jack: “I know it’s short notice, but I would consider it a personal favor after six years listening to you complain about how there so few women on death row.”

Liz: “Is it a coincidence? Or is the system sexist?”

++ “We’re on a show within a show! My real name is Tracy Morgan!” —Tracy, going “crazy”

++ Liz randomly selecting Joran van der Sloot to win the essay contest

NEXT: The best of “Kidnapped by Danger”…

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