Ali Goldstein/NBC
Breia Brissey
March 30, 2012 AT 04:15 AM EDT

I love 30 Rock. A lot. You know what I don’t love? The show’s new page, Hazel Wassername. I don’t have a problem with Kristen Schaal, but I just can’t seem to get on board with her character’s crazy obsession with Liz Lemon. Last night, Hazel took things to a whole new extreme. Hazel wants Liz to herself, so she attempted to scare Jenna with a few near-death experiences. Because that’s normal. It’s just not funny. And even Liz knows it. Liz told Hazel she was “just another weird page, and I already have one of those.” So this officially begins my campaign to reinstate Kenneth as page and do away with Hazel. Soapbox completed. Anyone else on board? 

When I wasn’t distracted by Hazel Wassername, I did enjoy the Jack and Liz story line. Liz tried to use her journal from last year to preemptively solve all of the repetitive problems of this year. She wanted to prove the universe and her accountant wrong, and she was partially successful preventing a few major crises. Meanwhile, Jack was trying to come up with a new idea to impress Hank Hooper. See? Last year’s problems are the problems of today. He was relying on the “shower principle,” a term used to describe moments of inspiration that occur when the brain is distracted from the problem at hand. But in an unexpected twist, Jack realized that putting golf balls wouldn’t solve his problem. He needed Liz, his own personal shower principle, to distract and inspire him. And just like that, the perfect idea came to him: Kabletown is going into the couch-making business!

NEXT: The night’s best moments and lines…

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