EW Staff
July 20, 2012 AT 04:00 AM EDT

”When I die, I want to die in a zebra coffin.” —Snooki on Snooki & JWoww

”There’s a war out there, Ryan. A war between dogs and babies. And you brought it right to our doorstep.” —Wilfred (Jason Gann) to Ryan (Elijah Wood), after Ryan’s sister comes home pregnant, on Wilfred

”Really? Crack? There’s nothing between toe shoes and crack? Not even a Grateful Dead album?” —Michelle (Sutton Foster), after Fanny (Kelly Bishop) worries one of her dancers will turn to drugs if she’s forced to stop taking dance classes, on Bunheads

”I only seem liberal because I believe hurricanes are caused by high barometric pressure and not gay marriage.” —Will (Jeff Daniels), on being a registered Republican, on The Newsroom

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