Welcome to ‘What Is Your Damage,’ Annie Barrett’s summer shop of all the melodrama and self-absorption she misses from springtime reality TV. Every Tuesday and Friday, she’ll rant about a current offense to her humanity, then assess readers’ damages via video replies. Don’t be shy about admitting what annoys or intrigues you. We’re all in this pop cult together!
What’s your damage, Olympics? Last Tuesday, I railed against poolside interviewer Andrea Kremer among other Olympics offenders like Ryan Seacrest. Friday’s Volume 2 brought spitting in the pool, a lucky towel, and a very special wedgie. But most damaging right now? NBC interrupting — and cutting a significant chunk from! — a primetime SPORTING event in order to air another “What is….London?” Mary Carillo segment. Brutal!
Now, I like Mary Carillo. Her Oscar Pistorius segment, during which she called the disabled South African sprinter a “cyborg kangaroo,” was heartwarming and welcome alongside this weekend’s track and field coverage. If NBC wants this towering pillar of frankness to teach me about bagpipes and James Bond and a mysterious foreign beverage called “tea,” that’s fine.
But do it off-hours! Show it on the nightly news, or tease it during primetime and air it during the late-night segment she already hosts, or stick it RIGHT at the beginning of primetime coverage. Call it Mary Carillo Enlightens You Commoners, or It’s Almost Primetime with Mary Carillo, or Prime Meridians with Mary Carillo if you want to paint the best picture of what to expect.
Don’t sandwich a segment about lattitude, longitude, and the passing of time itself during a time-sensitive event — in this case, between the first and third set of a knockout beach volleyball match between the U.S. and Latvia — and unapologetically omit almost the entire second game!
That’s not fair to anyone involved, NBC.
Why you wanna make people hate Mary Carillo?
OTHER OLYMPIC DAMAGES:
Runners’ perfectly sculpted butts taunting me (on my couch)
Come on, I’m eating here! How rude. (9 out of 10 on the Damages Scale)
For thoroughly confusing me from pre-start to finish (6)
U.S.A. gymnast McKayla “Posh Spice” Maroney
For the HugSnub heard ’round the world during Sunday’s vault finals (10)
Posh is clearly plotting something evil in the audience. (6.66)
Also DEFINITELY not into hugging (10)
Waldo (Doctor Who?)
For making it way too easy during Women’s Basketball (4)
For checking his butt so many times I started doing it to myself. Not so hot. (10)
Look alive, man! (-.000001 on the Damages Scale)
NEXT PAGE: What’s your damage, men’s hairless armpits?