Annie Barrett
August 22, 2012 AT 06:37 AM EDT

Mike Marsland/WireImage; Samir Hussein/WireImage

Rumor has it that new American Idol judge Mariah Carey became infuriated and hung up the phone when producers called to tell her they were in talks with Nicki Minaj to join the season 12 judging panel. Considering a TMZ report is practically fiction, I thought I’d embellish this juicy, totally plausible storyline in the saga of No One Knows WTF Is Going On With Idol (And Do They Care?). It’s one of the summer’s most lukewarm reads!

Thanks to the video for Mimi and Nicki’s classic 2010 collaboration “Up Out My Face,” here’s how I picture this all going down….

[RING, RING.]

[RING, RING.]

Joan Marcus

Ugh. Hello? What. Kinda busy here.

AP Photo/Evan Vucci, Pool

Uhhhhh. Wait……….WHO?

Danny Feld/ABC; Ron Batzdorff/ABC; Mitch Haaseth/ABC

HER?????

Hold up, hold up.

Imeh Akpanudosen/Getty Images

But I thought I was gonna be the only Ladyjudge with a Diva Coke Cup.

ABC

But you guyyyyyys, everything Nicki Minaj says and does is sooooo embarrassing.

Everett Collection

No one’s even gonna notice my costumes!

REX USA/Mike Hollist / Daily Mail/Rex

My boobs!

And would this mean we’d be SHARING THE HELP?

Tracy Bennett

Damn, this bitch is BURSTING MY BUBBLE.

HBO

I WANT OUT OF THIS PADDED DOLL BOX/PRISON CELL!!!

St. Martin's Press

Just take a million dollars back, will that work? I’ll still have $17 mil left from my contract!

Mike Lawrie/FilmMagic; Jack Vartoogian/Getty Images

Well f— this then. [Hangs up.] BIG mistake. Big. HUGE!

Unimedia/Getty Images

I HAVE TO GO SHOPPING NOW….

The end.

We’ll keep you posted when something REAL happens. Meanwhile, Mariah is currently Twitter-campaigning for her BFF Lenny Kravitz to be a judge. Now there’s a solid idea, right? The rumor mill has gotten so convoluted — Brad Paisley? Keith Urban? Enrique Iglesias? KANYE WEST? — that I sort of wish they’d just plop Mimi between Randy Jackson and Adam Lambert and call it a day. My guess is R. Yo wants to bail, and they’re scrambling.

CBS

Is this Idol pre-pre-season a huge mess or what? Do you see ANY reason Nicki would make a good judge?

Follow @EWAnnieBarrett

Read more:

Source: Nicki Minaj is in deep talks to join ‘American Idol’

Mariah Carey joins ‘American Idol’

Nicki Minaj brings ‘Starships’ to ‘Today’ show: Watch it here

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