Maane Khatchatourian
September 18, 2012 AT 06:29 PM EDT

Every rumor ever whispered — or splattered on a tabloid cover — about Jennifer Aniston is true. Well, in her latest commercial for Glaceau Smartwater, that is.

The ad, produced by Aniston and introduced by Ryan Seacrest as a leaked home-security tape, consists of a string of jaw-dropping revelations about our favorite friend.

Here’s what you need to know about the Wanderlust actress: She’s pregnant with triplets and already mother to two (you’ll never guess who her oldest son is); she drives recklessly, exploits her help, wastes precious natural resources, and doesn’t actually possess the physical characteristic that made her Friends character Rachel so iconic.

The truth was indeed refreshing.

Here’s the video:

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