Tara Fowler
October 03, 2012 AT 05:30 PM EDT

If there is one person who should lecture us on the greatness of America, it’s Stephen Colbert.

The Colbert Report host has followed up his children’s book I Am a Pole (And So Can You!) with America Again: Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren’t, which will surely become the bestselling book of all time. (After all, as the cover proclaims, Colbert is already a “Number One (1!) New York Times Bestseller.”) America Again was published on Tuesday, but for those of you who can’t bear to read the book without Colbert’s own dulcet tones to guide you, we’ve got an exclusive clip from the audiobook. So sit back, grab a Bud Light Lime and let Papa Bear Jr. tell you about why America’s got the best health care system. (Hint: It’s the same reason Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark is the best show on Broadway.)

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