Patrick McElhenney/Fox
Lanford Beard
January 09, 2013 AT 06:48 AM EST

Race relations and swingers weekends: Two things New Girl probably shouldn’t have taken on. While I’m not arguing what happened with the roomies last night wasn’t believable, was it necessary Newbies? Most ridiculously, Schmidt took a cue from the Michael Scott Handbook and endeavored to be so inclusive he actually ended up coming off all kinds of racist. Even Winston’s attempt to exploit his friends’ naïveté backfired dreadfully — although with a spectacular Urban Uncle Remus tale along the way. And Nick ended this week’s ep alone and grumpy once again. At least one thing’s constant in this crazy, mixed-up world! Onward. 

In the A-plot Jess wanted Nick and Angie to join her and Sam for a weekend at Sam’s boss’s cabin. Nick proclaimed himself and Angie “not romantic weekend types” — they had an open relationship and drew poodle-hair doodle tattoos on each other’s underarms, by gum! Nevertheless, Jess thought the moment was ripe for seizing, justifying, “You’re dating a stripper; I’m dating a tall, handsome doctor — we’re both kind of living the dream.” She also was kind of afraid to be alone with Sam for that long, lest he see her imperfections. After promises of roasted marshmallows, fires, and bear rugs failed to persuade Nick, Jess pulled out the ultimate bargain chip: The weekend would be free. Who’s that negotiator? It’s Jess!

Nick arrived on the back of Angie’s motorcycle wearing a “bitch-ass” helmet he bought at a rest stop along the way and Jackie O sunglasses; these, he claimed, were his — though I suspect he purloined them from the bar’s lost and found. Things went south somewhere around the time Angie tried to introduce gun play into their sex life. Since Angie had interrupted a game of sexy Boggle between Jess and Sam, Jess got into the spirit of things and wrapped her fingers around a “boom stick.” In case you couldn’t tell by that twee nickname, Jess didn’t have a lot of experience with guns. Angie gave her a hands-on  lesson which Nick described as “fantasy and nightmare colliding.” It was also a bullet and power pole colliding as Jess accidentally knocked out the heat and electricity.

NEXT: Absinthe-minded

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