What’s even more exciting than discovering a new secret passageway on the Marauder’s Map?
Trick question. Nothing is more thrilling than discovering a new way out of the castle. But the past couple of weeks have been pretty great for Harry Potter fans. J. K. Rowling still hasn’t announced she’s writing a prequel (dream big!), but there was a new book cover for Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone released, providing readers the perfect excuse to re-read the entire series. And for those who were hopeful the whole gang would find life outside the castle walls, there are a lot of promising developments. Let’s break down the current goings-on of Hogwarts’ favorite class.
Most Likely To Succeed: Daniel Radcliffe
News broke yesterday that the actor is about to sign a deal to star in a Frankenstein film as the hunchbacked assistant Igor. This isn’t the only bit of creepy casting news for the former Quidditch star. He’s been filming Horns, where he’ll have actual horns growing out of his head. This is all in addition to Kill Your Darlings, which premiered at Sundance last month. Happily, Hogwarts’ favorite son doesn’t seem to be in any danger of awkwardly returning to the famed school, 10 years too late.
+100 points to Gryffindor for picking varied, interesting projects; -20 for consistently signing up for parts that demand he make his fans watch him be a creep.
Most Likely To Be Mistaken For A Princess: Emma Watson
The star experienced critical success this year with The Perks of Being a Wallflower. She’ll star in the upcoming The Bling Ring, but the biggest news is that everyone’s favorite Yule Ball showstopper could be donning sparkly dresses and dancing the night away once again: She’s in talks to star in a live-action Cinderella.
+85 points to Gryffindor because not only will Watson make a great fairy-tale princess, but Sir Kenneth Branagh, a.k.a Professor Lockhart, will direct. Is it too much to hope that the two might also appear together onscreen?
Most Likely To Be Around (On Your TV) When You Need Him: Rupert Grint
For a while it seemed like the second-youngest Weasley might spent the rest of his days hiding out at the Burrow, or, you know, his home or whatever. His film Into the White (previously called Comrade) is being released next month, and now, he’s set to appear on a CBS sitcom for this fall where the former wizard will play a different type of powerful star. Super Clyde is about a meek, unassuming fast food worker (Grint) who decides to become a super hero.
+50 points to Gryffindor for returning at all. It should go without saying that we hope at least one other Hogwarts alum will swing by the show for a guest spot to juice ratings (maybe Weasley sister Bonnie Wright?)
Most Likely To Give You Complicated Feelings: Tom Felton
The bad guy we all loved to hate (and also loved to love? Just admit it!) is off committing crimes once again. This past summer he filmed Therese Raquin alongside Elizabeth Olsen. The “erotic thriller” involves a steamy affair, which leads to the main twosome committing a crime and then the fallout from that. So it’s basically all of the subtext/fanfiction of Draco and Pansy Parkinson’s Half-Blood Prince/Deathly Hallows relationship, but instead of the intense blonde hair, Felton dons greasy brown locks.
+70 points to Slytherin for getting himself attached to a project where “erotic thriller” is used in the description; -15 for that haircut.
+0 points to Gryffindor; -100 from all of us for not making this happen. Do I really need to show you these pictures again?
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