Adam Carlson
April 22, 2013 AT 05:26 PM EDT

First, a member of the Delta Gamma sorority wrote a very long, very angry, very profane email to her sisters. It was indescribably awesome — except that Funny or Die then took it and made it describably awesome by getting moody-eyed, Oscar-nominated actor Michael Shannon to read that email, in full, beneath a spotlight. The shadows and editing only emphasize how close the language is to Mamet-levels of gutter poetry. I cannot quote even a single line of what is said.

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