Annie Barrett
May 21, 2013 AT 04:23 AM EDT

Hmm. Can we switch up the partnerships in our imaginations, then activate special rainbow glitter explosions to make them official? Those are the rules of Reality, right? Great! Then I vote for Kellie and Val to win Dancing With the Stars. (Here’s my full recap of Monday’s finals.) Derek has enough trophies, and Zendaya’s already won life at an absurdly young age.

I’m kidding, of course. See how I rank the final four couples headed into tonight’s finale — and vote for who you think should win, below!

4th place: Jacoby Jones and Karina Smirnoff Jacoby truly does electrify the ballroom — largely thanks to Karina’s expertly choreographed routines — but he’s not technically skilled enough to win this over Zendaya or Kellie.

3rd place: Aly Raisman and Mark Ballas The Olympic gymnast has shown remarkable improvement in terms of “letting loose” in the dances, though her efforts are often overwhelmed by her partner’s flash — spats in every color! pole dancing expertise! random animal tails! making Aly get on her knees during every number! (???) #MarkPleaseStop. I love that she’s having so much fun; she’s simply not the best dancer.

2nd place: Zendaya and Val Chmerkovskiy Uggggghhhh, this one is tough. I kept switching the winner back and forth from Kellie to Zendaya all season, but despite Zendaya’s heightened likability and skill late in the game (not to mention Val’s bloody face due to a dress rehearsal elbowing accident!), Kellie edged Zendaya out in Monday’s finals. That said, I’ll be totally happy (especially for Val) if the 16-year-old Disney Channel actress ends up with the victory.

Carlo Allegri/Getty Images

Aggggh! Not the face! (Crew guy shares my grave concern for one of Val’s best assets.)

Winners: Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough Derek’s opting for a stripped-down production when tasked with a “supersize freestyle” was a game-changer, and just the right one for country singer/human rubber band Kellie. Ballroom loyalists and people who get a sick thrill out of tearing up during reality shows (HELLO) will have no choice but to root for her after Monday’s freestyle and fabulous quickstep. So what if Derek wins again? Kellie’s the most deserving contestant.

Vote for YOUR favorite below, and stay tuned for my full recap! Update: Here it is!

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