Just when you thought it was safe to go, well, anywhere, Regal Entertainment Group has announced that there’s a theatrical storm a’brewin’ – and it’s filled with vicious, man-eating members of the aquatic clade Selachimorpha.
By that, of course, I mean this: Sharknado is coming to theaters!
On August 2, Regal will host midnight showings of the greatest film of our time at about 200 cinemas across the country – check here to find one near you. The company clearly expects these to be like showings of The Room, only with more chainsaws: “You know how audiences have had fun with Rocky Horror Picture Show over the years,” said Chris Sylvia, Regal Entertainment Group’s director of digital marketing, in a statement. “If the internet reactions to this film are any indication, then our moviegoers are primed and ready to enjoy ‘Sharknado’ larger than life in cinemas.”
Here’s the thing, though – while Sharknado sunk its teeth into social media users after airing on Syfy July 11, its ratings were more Dwarf Lanternshark than Great White. Even though everyone was tweeting about it, only 1.4 million people watched the movie itself – giving it a smaller audience than previous Syfy creature features like 2010′s Sharktopus (2.5 million viewers), 2011′s Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid (2.4 million) and last year’s Piranhaconda (1.8 million).
Does this mean that Regal is vastly overestimating Sharknado’s appeal – especially since its buzz peaked weeks ago?
Honestly, I doubt it. As fun as it is to watch a bad movie from the comfort of your own home (and, you know, for free), it’s infinitely better to see it on a big screen, surrounded by like-minded friends and strangers. Plus, the massive amount of hype Sharknado generated and the clips circulating on YouTube should only entice crap connoisseurs even further.
After all, you don’t go to see something like Sharknado because you actually want to see what happens in the movie; you go because you want to yell jokes at the screen and cheer when Ian Ziering slices his way out of a CGI’d shark using a chainsaw. Knowing ahead of time that ridiculous moments like that are coming doesn’t ruin the surprise – it builds suspense and anticipation, making the experience even richer.
I guess that’s just a long way of saying that I’m going to see Sharknado on August 2 – and I hope you’ll join me there. Will you? Before answering, please consider these important points, which Regal included in its press release this morning:
- An umbrella is not much protection. See how Ian Zeiring improvises with a chainsaw.
- After going airborne, sharks cannot click their ruby slippers like Dorothy to go home.
- Sharknado disaster coverage in cinemas will not be interrupted by commercials.
- If Jaws made you think twice about the sea, remember Sharknado can hit anywhere.
- Long range forecasts predict another Sharknado will hit New York City next.