Annie Barrett
August 07, 2013 AT 12:00 PM EDT

Welcome back to Sweat Rag Lynn, bombastic Bime, and Bri the vegetarian — only one of whom officially returned to the MasterChef competition as of tonight, following a sunny-side-up egg challenge (SO. MANY. BROKEN. PLATES.) and a classic ‘n’ basic salmon dinner competition in the M.C. Restaurant. Spoilers ahead! The returning home cook…. is….. coming up, after a long-ass commercial break!

The returning chef is Bri! Along with Bime, she out-egged Lynn — who was once considered the biggest threat in the kitchen but showed up tonight with a loose grasp on the fundamentals and his sweat rag already soaked through — and just barely edged out Bime in the salmon challenge.

“Uhhhh. Is this a joke? Bime is just…a loser.” –Natasha

Seriously, though — Bime returns, but no Eddie? I also would’ve been super into Jonny.

Meanwhile, no one was happier to see Bri than her chief nemesis, Krissi.

“I will cook her little vegan ass under the table,” said the cross-eyed monster who would not be cooking at all.

The episode was fairly compact with little drama besides THE INCOMPARABLE TERROR OF COOKING THE PERFECT EGG. Gordon tried to keep things exciting by shifting around in the one-on-one basketball game he seems to constantly be playing with his own shadow and cheerleading/color commentating at the same time. He’s a busy man. “I’d. Put my oil in first. Then finish with the butter. Because butter. Froths!” I also enjoyed when he peered over the “sidelines” and pretended to genuinely not know what would happen to an egg in the oven. The suspense was killing me!

Joe Bastianich made himself useful by standing off to the side and breaking the dishes along with the problematic eggs. It was somewhat fun for dramatic purposes, but in general, it was awful! Couldn’t they have shown one or two throws and then subbed in a sound effect for the rest of that s—? I could almost feel myself becoming poorer and poorer each time we heard the [SMASH]. I know that doesn’t make sense, but it seemed like someone had to bear the consequences of such wastefulness. But who cares about money when you’re “on a budget” of millions?

Action shot! [SMASH.]

Onto the MasterChef restaurant round! Gordon, shout it out with all of your delightful punctuation: “We want it pan-seared. Crispy. Skin side up, with a perfect. Hollandaise sauce. Also. Some beautiful asparagus. And potatoes.”

The long-suffering Bri had to lift the giant salmon all by herself, even though she’s a vegan. Can you imagine?! “OH MY GOD DEAD BODY,” she muttered under the weight of all that is evil. Stunning. Stunning.

No real mishaps to write home about during the dinner challenge… The Top 6 and Joe got to play judges, and this would be a blind taste test — as if everyone wouldn’t instantly know it was Bri who made the plainer, healthier multicolored potatoes and Bime who whipped up some cheesy mashed.

Where did Krissi’s loyalty lie now?

“I know Bri’s gonna kick his ass, just because Bime sucks at life.” –Krissi

She was right! Bri beat the life-sucker by just one vote, 4-3.

Which would YOU want? Bri vs. Bime:

Eh, I probably wouldn’t care which one I got as long as there was a goblet of extra Hollandaise on the side — or “Hollanday,” if you’re Krissi. Oh my God. What if I were Krissi?

So who is Bri coming after now that she’s back? “It’s always gonna be Krissi,” she confirmed.

Krissi, any final threats we can chew on until next Wednesday?

“Any time. Any place. All the way back to Philly, I’m gonna kick your ass.” –Krissi

It’s a cooking show!

Sort of. See you next week for the Top 7…. redux!

Oh! And there’s apparently going to be a ‘MasterChef Juniors,’ this fall starting September 27. I’d totally recap it if it weren’t on freaking Friday. Actually, I still might totally recap it as long as Fox wants to send me screeners. I’ll look into it.

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