Runny egg yolks have officially ruined two reality TV chefs tonight – one over on ‘MasterChef’ and the other right here on Wednesday’s third episode of Bravo’s Top Chef Masters. In this case, it wasn’t incompetence that killed the egg-wielder, but the unrefined palates of the Days of Our Lives cast. They’ve struck again! SPOILERS ahead.
The master chefs had to create a dish using the leftover protein from the Battle of the Sous Chefs (ugh, that) and would be judged by meat scrap connoisseurs Amelia Posada and Erika Nakamura, founders of The Lollipop Guild Lindy & Grundy Meats, a sustainable nose-to-tail butcher shop in L.A. They weren’t impressed with Lynn Crawford’s “one-dimensional” carbonara (though I wanted to gobble up that whole plate) and thought the scarce pork bits in Sue Zemanick’s dish was too dry. Much to David Burke’s faux-chagrin/pure delight, Neal Fraser won rave reviews for a dish he’d learned from Burke 20 years ago: ricotta cavatelli with leftover pork and duck sausage.
Winner: Sang Yoon with the simplest dish: a traditional Thai larb (ground pork salad)
Cheered on by a bemused organist playing terrifyingly dramatic soap opera background tunes, the chefs had to prepare the Days of Our Lives cast dishes based on three classic soap opera themes: Sex, Murder, and Greed.
Winner: Jennifer Jasinski and her seared duck breast with a knife sticking out of it. Ghastly-good!
Eliminated: Odette Fada and her very popular signature soft egg yolk raviolo with mushrooms. “They had never seen this before,” said ’80s Glasses (judge Lesley Suter) re: the lowly soap opera plebes. The judges clearly respected Odette’s runny-yolk surprise and I actually thought they might eliminate Douglas Keane and his over-aggressive cardamom-sauced salmon instead. Lynn Crawford also landed in the bottom three but had immunity thanks to her winning sous chef, Lora.
Franklin Becker would not stop talking about foreplay. “There’s no better part of sex than foreplay,” he informed everyone. “So I wanna do something at the raw bar.” He later threatened to bring Lynn Crawford to climax during the challenge. “HELP ME,” she whimpered to the camera. This may be why she skipped straight over the Sex and attempted to recreate the post-coital Snuggle (most certainly NOT a classic soap opera theme) with…what else but a duck breast wrapped in bacon with carrot puree and chocolate sauce? I’ll not have what she’s having….in bed.
Does this count as foreplay? I loved seeing Sang Yoon conduct an elaborate symphony involving his fellow chefs catching stuff in their mouths. (Grapes? Charcuterie? Raviolis about to burst with egg yolk, hopefully – more of a challenge.) The best part? Seal sounds.
Soap Opera Penalties ranked from worst to best:
3. Bryan Voltaggio’s 30 minutes in jail
2. Sang Yoon’s 30-minute catnap in the crime scene in which someone had tried to murder him
1. Franklin Becker’s waking coma
“I’m in a coma!”
And there you have it. Are you in a coma after making it through this episode, or are you ready for some foreplay/raw fish? Does the Battle of the Sous Chefs (watch this week’s installment on BravoTV.com) interest you or is it corrupting the natural flow of things? And have you driven your Lexus RX to Whole Foods yet today? You could be running out of time!