Annie Barrett
August 28, 2013 AT 06:00 AM EDT

Comedy Central’s Drunk History is so hilarious if you’re in the right mood, and probably even if you aren’t. So, what’d we learn from tonight’s season finale, “Wild West,” guest-starring Andrew Daly, Rob Huebel, Jake Johnson, Chris Parnell, and Horatio Sanz? (NSFW language ahead.) 

KEY ‘DRUNK HISTORY’ LESSONS for the week of AUGUST 27, 2013

Teddy Roosevelt has a big old d*ck. Also, “Guys: Spain sucks.”

An 11-year-old Teddy Roosevelt once said: “If I’m gonna be anything? The thing that I’m gonna be? Is a badass.”

If you feel like you can’t remember history accurately enough, try lying down.

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After Billy the Kid shot Joe Grant in the local saloon, the bartender’s precise words were, “Well, he was an asshole. Boom boom boom!”

Billy the Kid’s horse was super cuddly.

As Billy the Kid (Timm Sharp a.k.a. Amy’s boss from Enlightened) shot those two officers, he definitely said, “Go to hell, bitches!”

Never agree to a long breakfast with Rob Huebel.

You may think you sound good while singing drunk, but make no mistake: You sound awful.

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The Sara Lee devil’s food snack cake commercials are, like, uncomfortably orgasmic.

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The attack on the Alamo actually occurred on “March Thix.”

After he was shot, William Travis (New Girl‘s Jake Johnson) took about 12 seconds to fall.

Jim Bowie (Chris Parnell) would have succumbed… to “tuh-berk-a-losis” had he not been shot on his deathbed.

Oh, but how passionately he fought!

And the week’s big takeaway….

Of course you can pee there — it’s your own place!

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“Wild West” and the rest of the Drunk History episodes are available on iTunes.

Will you, too, really miss this weekly shot of education?

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