1. Debate ”Larry” Vs. ”Elounor”
Directioners (whose average age is 15) fall into two camps: the ”Larry” shippers, who believe bandmates Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are in a secret romantic relationship that’s being covered up by their handlers (fans claim Modest! Management won’t let them be photographed together anymore), and the ”Elounor” shippers, who trust that Tomlinson’s real-life relationship with University of Manchester student Eleanor Calder is, in fact, real. Engage either side about the validity of ”Larry” and you’re asking for a heated diatribe — or a series of terrifying ”I will stab you” tweets.
2. Say You Love Justin Bieber
Directioners don’t like Beliebers. According to Holly, a 16-year-old 1D fan from Chicago, the conflict between the two tribes began (where else?) on Twitter last year, when Beliebers launched ”National Hit Directioners With a Shovel Day” for no reason! She adds: ”And when One Direction won at the TCAs instead of Justin Bieber, they started making fun of Harry’s acne. They’re just trying to make us angry.”
3. Write an Article That Casts Them in a Bad Light
Journalists, don’t you dare say the wrong thing about any of the lads. Or even imply anything untoward. For its September issue, British GQ ran five individual 1D covers. Harry’s cover suggested he’d slept with almost 100 women and included the line ”He’s up all night to get lucky.” Fans went berserk, tweeting responses that ranged from ”YOU ARE NOT A GOD DAMN MAN WHORE, YOU ARE A CUPCAKE” to ”CAN I PLEASE STAB EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO WORKS FOR GQ” to stuff we can’t print here. Suffice it to say there was a lot of caps lock involved.
4. Be a ”Carrot”
The biggest slam in the 1D community is to be called that beta-carotene bomb. It started in 2010, when the boys were competing on The X Factor in the U.K. Louis jokingly remarked, ”I like girls who eat carrots,” and suddenly every teenage girl in Britain began proclaiming her love of carrots. Three years later, though, saying you and Bugs Bunny share a taste for snack foods is passé. If that’s the only thing you know about the boys, then you aren’t a real fan. Calling someone a ”carrot” essentially means ”You’re an idiot.”
5. Practice Monotheistic Harry Worship
Look, you may know him as the one who dated Taylor Swift (or ”dated” her, if you’re talking to a ”Larry” shipper). Or the one who kind of looks like a young Mick Jagger. Or the one with the flowiest hair. But dammit, Harry Styles is not the only member of One Direction! If you fail to mention Liam’s charity work, or Zayn’s engagement, or Louis’ ever-growing arsenal of tattoos, or Niall’s Irish accent, then you know what you are? You’re nothing but a carrot. Or even worse: an adult.