Dan Snierson
September 13, 2013 AT 04:00 AM EDT

1. Kanye West blasted by Human Rights Foundation for performing at wedding of Kazakhstan president’s grandson
The guests weren’t pleased either when Kanye interrupted a singing Borat with ”I’ma let you finish, but Uzbekistan has one of the best national anthems of all time.”

2. In January, HBO to debut Woody Harrelson/Matthew McConaughey drama, on which two detectives hunt for a serial killer in the weeds of Louisiana
The pair signed on immediately, but only because a distracted assistant at the network had mistyped the logline as ”Two detectives hunt for some cereal and killer weed.”

3. More than 75,000 fans sign petition demanding that producers of Fifty Shades of Grey replace Charlie Hunnam and Dakota Johnson with Matt Bomer and Alexis Bledel
”Thank you, casting news cycle,” Ben Affleck said to himself in the mirror, adjusting his codpiece.

4. Joe Jonas tells Joan Rivers that he ”and a few others” dumped Taylor Swift, while brother Kevin adds, ”We still haven’t seen the royalty check” for three songs she supposedly wrote about Joe
You just got dissed by not one but two Jonas Brothers, Taylor! Double-album their asses!

5. Betty White gets Guinness World Record for ”Longest TV Career for an Entertainer”
Meanwhile, the Kardashian sisters are in a three-way runoff for ”What Just Seems Like the Longest TV Career for an Entertainer”

6. Moscow mayoral candidate Alexei Navalny says he got some campaign ideas from The Wire
More disturbingly, the rest came from Game of Thrones.

7. Chicago TV news anchor accidentally disconnects Oprah during phone interview
”Hanging up on Oprah is one of Oprah’s Least Favorite Things,” Oprah ominously intoned while he quickly fumbled to get her back on the line.

8. Adam Levine launching Kmart line of button-down shirts and cargo jackets
When you walk by that group of cute girls and they realize you’re wearing Adam Levine clothing bought at Kmart, they’re going to turn around in their chairs. Nope. The other way.

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