EW Staff
September 27, 2013 AT 04:00 AM EDT

”It’s sort of a cliché to say that it’s an honor just to be nominated, but…it’s also a lie. This is way better.” —The Colbert Report‘s Stephen Colbert, in his second acceptance speech, at the 65th Primetime Emmy Awards

”Some mothers teach their daughters how to bake. Mine taught me how to beat a cavity search and still feel like a lady.” —Christy (Anna Faris), about having an addict for a mother, on Mom

”They said, ‘Just don’t use the Internet for a couple of days.”’ —Ben Affleck, on how studio execs prepped him for the Batman backlash, on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

”Haiti’s not that different from New York City — except not as many people scream at you and it smells much better.” —Mindy (Mindy Kaling), about her time volunteering in the Caribbean country, on The Mindy Project

”Why do we even have a records room? The computer’s been invented, right? I didn’t dream it?” —Det. Jake Peralta (Andy Samberg), when he’s sent to work in the files after bad behavior, on Brooklyn Nine-Nine

”You really deserve half of this. So, you want the bottom or the top? Top? I figured that.” —Behind the Candelabra‘s Michael Douglas, joking with costar Matt Damon, at the Emmys

”I gotta go. Bye.” —Nurse Jackie‘s Merritt Wever, sidestepping an acceptance speech, at the Emmys

”The only way to drive is as if each day is your last.” —James Hunt (Chris Hemsworth), on being a champion race-car driver, in Rush

”You know you’re living right when you wake up, brush your hair & confetti falls out. NBD.” —Katy Perry on Twitter

”The men are much more beautiful than when I was doing television.” —Diahann Carroll, while presenting an award with Scandal‘s Kerry Washington, at the Emmys

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