Ron Tom/ABC
Samantha Highfill
October 16, 2013 AT 04:00 AM EDT

Eyeballs! Aliens! Night guns (or something)! Welcome to this week’s dose of S.H.I.E.L.D.

What started as a diamond heist with 55 military men wearing red Jabbawockeez masks and newsboy caps quickly turned into a S.H.I.E.L.D. case after Coulson revealed that the thief behind one severed hand and $30 million worth of missing jewels was an ex-agent once trained by Coulson himself. Viewers, meet Akela Amador, the one-time S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who appeared to have gone to the dark side by robbing people with her eyes closed… thanks to telepathy? The details were yet to be determined.

But what we did know was that the team was headed to Sweden to find Amador and figure out what the heck was going on. Meanwhile, Amador was busy getting money for some golf balls that dissolved into diamonds — they’re customs-proofed, y’all! — and staying one step ahead of our little five-man team. On the search, Coulson and Ward left the brainiacs in a van to try and find Amador electronically, only to discover that she was watching them instead. What resulted was a sort-of car accident that shook up all involved.

However, Skye managed to brush off the accident with enough time to hack the feed again, revealing the big mystery: Amador was not telepathic, but rather it was a more obvious answer: One of her eyes had been replaced by a camera! She was being controlled by someone! Like I said… duh. My only question: Why did she then close her eyes before robbing the guys in the opening sequence? You don’t shut the lens on your camera to take a picture. But I guess I’ll let it slide (because I have no choice, really).

Now that they knew Amador’s secret, the next step was locating her, so while Coulson and the gang grabbed some Z’s, May headed out for a good old-fashioned agent-on-former-agent battle, Hunger Games-style (a.k.a. only one of them survives). Long story short: They both survived (74th Hunger Games-style), and the crew came up with a plan to fool whoever was surveying Amador long enough to take out her eye — yep, it was gross — and eliminate the kill switch.

The plan was successful, but not until we learned that Coulson used to be an I-told-you-so kind of guy, and Ward is ticklish. Also, if you still say “disk drive,” you’re old and possibly English.

Just after FitzSimmons successfully finished surgery on Amador, Coulson was able to find the man who had been controlling her. Only, he was being controlled too, and at the first sight of Coulson, he was killed. Sucks to be that guy. The bigger message: There is a larger company behind this, and they were after some sort of message that Ward found on a chalkboard. They think it could be alien. What else is new, right?

After an exciting life-or-death situation (as usual), Coulson and the gang said goodbye to Amador. She was off to undergo a S.H.I.E.L.D. trial, which I’m sure involves a lot of men in suits and high-tech equipment. But before she went, she asked May about what happened to Coulson. Yes, he’s more into second chances now than he used to be, but Amador seemed pretty convinced that faking his death and sending him to Tahiti wasn’t the end of the story. “What did they do to him?” she asked. Well, that’s the million dollar question, honey.

Other fun Ward facts (just cuz): He speaks Ukrainian, sucks at bromancing/being friendly, has one heck of a poker face, and still hasn’t made a move on Skye yet. Surely I can’t be the only one waiting for that, right? Put those cheekbones to use, man! And yes, of all the things that happened in this episode, the lack of flirting that man does is the hardest for me to wrap my head around. Especially when he was looking so good in those glasses.

At the end of the day, we’ve got a big mystery organization that’s implanting people with camera eyeballs and has an interest in an alien message. Welcome to crazy town… or crazy-awesome town depending on how you look at it.

What did you think of the episode, PopWatchers? Is the show finally finding its stride, or are you ready to give up? Do I need to learn how to watch a show without ‘shipping someone, or are you on the Skye-Ward train with me? More importantly, what should their ‘shipper name be? Sound off in the comments!

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