Adam Taylor/FOX
Maricela Gonzalez
November 27, 2013 AT 02:35 PM EST

Hello, Newbies! I’ll be subbing in for Lanford this week as she is jet-setting to her family home for Thanksgiving and I’m home alone with my cats. I like to think I’m whimsical like Winston with Ferguson — although I draw the line at taking showers with a cat. Let’s recap!

It’s the third Thanksgiving for the New Girl gang and a lot has changed — last year, Nick fell for Jess’s mom played by the incomparable Jamie Lee Curtis. Now, Coach is back, Schmidt is out of the apartment (but just down the hall), and Nick and Jess are together. Not just together, they’re co-hosting Thanksgiving dinner. Coach confronts Nick with the Thanksgiving Feast e-vite featuring Roger the trumpeting turkey. Nick denies having a part in creating it, even though he totally voted #TeamRoger to be the National Thanksgiving Turkey.

Coach calls Nick out for becoming a bit lost within his relationship. And he would know — he once dressed like his girlfriend (tube top and jean skirt, commando style) for Halloween even when she didn’t dress up like him. Nick “could not be more sorry” for Coach, but that doesn’t apply to him. However, Coach catches Nick wearing Jess’s pink pajama bottoms, which decidedly not “football player pants for Breast Cancer awareness.” Those would be much tighter and might “hug” his nether regions even more snuggly.

In order to reaffirm his manhood, Nick devises a patented “crazy Nick idea” to go camping for Thanksgiving. Ever the supportive partner, Jess goes along with the idea, only concerned with enjoying a nice meal with her friend-family. Nick and Jess pitch the idea to Winston and Schmidt, arguing that their past indoor Thanksgivings haven’t been so great.

Nick wants a Thanksgiving that serves as an “ultimate test of manhood” and “survival skills,” which is exactly what Thanksgiving is all about. Schmidt is eventually convinced, believing that although he’s never been camping, he always thought he’d be incredible at it. I’m not sure that’s how it works, but nevertheless the crew is off to the woods including Schmidt rocking an “exact replica of the hat Viggo Mortensen wore in Hidalgo.” It’s ridiculous thing to wear, but you have to admit, it’s a slick hat.

Cece comes along too, acknowledging how awkward it’ll be with both Schmidt and Coach there. However, it seems more awkward for the guys, neither of whom wish to step on the other friend’s toes. Schmidt boasts that he’s spent the past 12 hours researching everything about the “wood,” making him a master camper. Coach goes along with him, stating, “I don’t know anything about the wood. What is that a tree?”

Meanwhile, Winston and Cece bond over hating camping, but they’re both too good of friends — and too much of pushovers — to convince the others that Thanksgiving camping is not such a good idea. Actually, a Californian outdoor Thanksgiving probably wouldn’t be so bad — if one brought more than a cool full of beers (no ice) as sustenance. I know Jess is being nice and conciliatory, but if I spent the time and effort to make a bunch of pies for Thanksgiving, then I would definitely be going back for them.

Nick’s “plan” goes one step further — he wants to hunt and forage the land for food. Washington may have been a lot of things, but I doubt a cat milker was one of them.

Schmidt and Coach are into the “men! hunting! killing!” aspect of the plan whereas the only hunt Winston is interested in is named Bonnie or Helen. Winston has solidified his role as the group weirdo, who inexplicably remains the sanest one of the bunch — and as my favorite character.

NEXT: “Who’s basically a lady now, Coach?”

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