Annie Barrett
January 29, 2014 AT 05:15 AM EST

Another State of the Union address down, and your Uncle Joe has proven it once again: Vice President Biden is God’s gift to live TV screen-grabbers.

A few minutes into President Obama’s speech, I decided it wasn’t even worth fighting anymore: Just by virtue of this congenial wonder of the world candidly being himself, everything Joe Biden did was fascinating.

He winks! (Hard to see here, so much like this post this shot is very nearly pointless.)

Joe Biden thoughtfully files something away… (or maybe it’s a prop!)

Joe Biden either checks his phone or sleeps — either way, he deserves it.

Joe Biden stands up for, and understands, back pain.

Sometimes, Joe Biden cries.

To sum up, it seems this guy can’t do anything without some jerk tweeting a pic about it.

Politics aside: Does anyone not love Joe Biden?

Meanwhile, Seethin’ John Boehner overdid it with the spray tan so hard, he often blended into his oak throne.

Speaking of orange, the night’s winner of Most Likely to Succeed at art teaching was, by miles and miles, orange jacket lady a.k.a. Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro (D., Conn.)

I liked how Congresswoman Gwen Moore (D., Wisc.) got into it, too.

But ugh, overall — these red carpet gowns were terrible!

With closed captioning on…

…the president’s opening words read like a (possibly chilling) Choose Your Own Adventure story.

First Lady Michelle Obama basked in the warm glow of a loving compliment.

Someone‘s getting an extra side of broccoli tonight.

Best Bipartisan Scarf:

Tyler Golden/NBC

State of the Yawn-ion:

And now the nominees for Best Necklace in an Obama Series….

Winner:

Runner-up:

Honorable mention: Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s memorable crocheted collar

Jennifer Clasen/ABC

CNN-specific screen gems (more to come):

Disrespectful!

CBS

WOLF BLITZER’S CONTRIBUTION WILL NOT BE IGNORED.

Hmm… “Lose the rug”?

WHAT? Duck Dynasty is here…

ABC

Newt Gingrich’s pained side-eye…

…just after Alex Castellanos said “A speech from Barack Obama is just like sex — the worst there ever was is still excellent.”

Pop Culture’s Shining Moment:

“It’s time to do away with workplace policies that belong in a Mad Men episode.” –President Obama

Action shot:

Any choice visuals I missed? It’s a matter of the utmost importance. Let me know.

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