Stop what you’re doing and take a moment to wish the brilliant, cross-dressing comedian Eddie Izzard a “happy birthday.” The man is a British national treasure, and I’m flabbergasted that he hasn’t been knighted already. Eddie is like a super-combo of Monty Python and Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show. Even if the Queen isn’t a fan of his stand-up, she’s got to tip her tastefully conservative hat to how good he looks in a Chinese silk qipao. It’s a crime that he isn’t cast in more movies. Remember Mystery Men? Oh, you never saw it? Better rectify that mistake tonight, because it is the best movie ever. But I’ll save that rant for another time. Today is about Eddie.
Since everyone is so jazzed about Legos right now, what with The Lego Movie premiere, it seems only fitting to celebrate Eddie with his top three best stand-up routines as played by Lego people. I don’t know what it is about Lego people, but they are side-splittingly funny — kind of like animal voice-overs. How can you not laugh at that? (Wishbone, Homeward Bound, Milo & Otis…) So get ready for the laugh of your life, because I’m treating you to Lego people and Eddie Izzard, you lucky dog.
1. Death Star Canteen: “There must have been a Death Star canteen. There must have been a cafeteria downstairs — in between battles — where Darth Vader could just chill. I will have the penne all’arrabbiata.”
2. Tea and Cake or Death?: “You can’t say, ‘You must have tea and cake with a vicar or you die!’ You can’t have extreme points of view. … The Spanish Inquisition would never have worked in the Church of England. Talk! Will you talk! Ouch it hurts! Oh, sorry, loosen it up a bit will you?”
3. James Bond’s Gadgetry: “The jam trousers were f—ing useless.”