EW Staff
March 07, 2014 AT 05:00 AM EST

“I was going to be in a frat, but then I decided it wasn’t for me. After they told me that it wasn’t for me. They made it pretty clear, actually.” —Adam (Adam DeVine) on Workaholics

“Who are we kidding, it’s the Hunger Games. I mean, there are cameras everywhere, you’re starving, Jennifer Lawrence won last year — it is the Hunger Games.” —Ellen DeGeneres, hosting the Oscars

“I would love for things to get physical. I will hit you so hard that you won’t be able to wake up until you’re old enough to be Funny Lady.” —Santana (Naya Rivera), fighting with Rachel (Lea Michele), on Glee

“Julia, #SuckIt.” —Cate Blanchett, to fellow nominee Julia Roberts, during her acceptance speech at the Oscars

“Dear frozen yogurt, You are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars.” —Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman), writing a complaint letter, on Parks and Recreation

“You were right to call me. Nobody deals with crazy girls better than I do. Crazy girls are kind of my hurt locker.” —Schmidt (Max Greenfield), to Nick (Jake Johnson), on New Girl

“Not very smart for the Brains tribe.” —Kass McQuillen on Survivor

“Our evening in Santa Barbara was great.” —June Squibb, joking about her “romance” with Jared Leto, on the Oscar red carpet

“Thank you for coming in on your day off. I know you’d all rather be at home binge-watching media content.” —Captain Holt (Andre Braugher) on Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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