Dan Snierson
March 14, 2014 AT 04:00 AM EDT

Girls Nudity Criticism
“Lena Dunham is brilliant and bold, and I get really mad at people who don’t like all the nudity. That is such an intrinsic part of what she’s trying to do with this show and why she’s an original. And I’m sorry, but as a gay guy, if I have to listen to Kate Upton speak, then you have to deal with Lena Dunham’s nipples! Not that there’s anything wrong with Kate Upton — I’m sure she’s totally a pleasant person and still laughing at all the jokes in Ted — but I want my nudity in Girls!”

Dearth of Gay Characters in Mr. Peabody & Sherman
“It’s about a man and his dog! Can’t they throw in some sort of gay bird that flies in from time to time and says something clever? Maybe it’s a pigeon who doesn’t want to be pigeonholed as gay. The tragic irony of that! We’ve come so far, but this proves how far we still have to go. It’s a real slap in the face, and I will be notifying GLAAD!”

Movies Based on TV Shows
“The Entourage movie is a step in the right direction, but I think we need more. It always works! And if we don’t get a feature-film prequel to Mixology, I’m going to start some sort of coup!”

People Who Quit Facebook
“There’s a new genre of human who like to brag about how they’re so over Facebook when, three years ago, it was all they did with their lives. Now all these friends tell me, ‘I’m not on Facebook anymore.’ And I’m like, ‘So you’re only reachable via Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, Tinder, email, and text? Oh, you’ve really gone back to basics! What a brave stance!!!'”

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