James Hibberd
March 27, 2014 AT 07:05 PM EDT

Stars, they’re just like us. Except for Gwyneth Paltrow, who is an enlightened ethereal being from the highest plane of Planet Goop. When she revealed earlier this week that she and husband Chris Martin were “Consciously Uncoupling” — what we would call “divorce” – we started wondering about the Iron Man actresses’ other likely euphemisms. See if you can crack The Paltrow Code matching everyday activities with the Paltrowism. 


1. Eating

2. Sleeping

3. Acting

4. Sex

5. Toilet use

6. Shopping

7. Fighting


A. Fictional Self-Projection

B. Oppositional Discourse

C. Unconscious Meditation

D. Organic Consumption

E. Repetitive Genital Alliance

F. Additive Consumerism

G. Deliberate Voiding

The answer key is below…




(Answers: 1 = D, 2 = C, 3 = A, 4 = E, 5 = G, 6 = F, 7 = B)

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