Mandi Bierly
April 04, 2014 AT 11:03 PM EDT

The Expendables 3 hits theaters Aug. 15, but in the meantime, there are 16 character portraits to entertain you. The only thing that would make their message clearer — think of this as the ultimate summer popcorn movie! — is if there were a Real Genius-level explosion behind each of them. Who’s happiest in these posters? Let’s see. Then check out the new “roll call” trailer.

1. Obviously, Terry Crews wins. He probably would’ve shot popcorn out of that gun if you’d asked him to. Which is why we look forward to seeing him on the media tour.

Paul Buck-Pool/Getty Images

2. Antonio Banderas. It’s all about the hat.

Adrien Brody: Tammie Arroyo/AP

3. Ronda Rousey. The badass costume manages to incorporate the sexy cutout fashion trend.

Eric Charbonneau/Invision/AP

4. Dolph Lundgren. It’s about time he comes off the coolest.

Jonathan Leibson/Getty Images

5. Jet Li. A man who travels light.

Matthew Fearn/AP

6. Jason Statham. My mother is going to Facebook this photo immediately.

7. Randy Couture. The rolled-up sleeves show off his bicep when really, all we can stare at is his forearms.

Ethan Miller/Getty Images

8. Glen Powell. He must have really made an impression as Trader #1 in The Dark Knight Rises.

Isaac Brekken/WireImage

9. Victor Ortiz. The superhero-esque bulletproof vest is the best.

Monty Brinton/CBS

10. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Wearing that stubble well.

11. Harrison Ford. Is that a leather onesie? 

Mike Pont/WireImage

12. Kelsey Grammer. He had to look this serious to compensate for his fishing attire.

13. Kellan Lutz. He’s either serious about protecting the family jewels or he just wet himself.

Dave Kotinsky/Getty Images

14. Sylvester Stallone. Those veins in his arms look like they hurt.

Mark J. Terrill/AP Photo

15. Wesley Snipes. We’re thinking he’s good with knives.

Charmed: Mitchell Haddad

16. Mel Gibson. The big bad can’t smile.

Ryan Miller/Getty Images

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